Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Upside Down

We had a lovely time on Saturday at Catherine and Shannon’s house blessing, and we hung out for a while afterwards with C & S and S’s mom. We stayed past E’s bedtime, and when we got home it was dark and there was a car parked outside of our house. Turns out my parents had driven up from San Antonio and were waiting for us to get home. We weren’t expecting this at all (they hadn't called to tell us they were coming or to ask if it was a good time) and my stomach was turning somersaults as I got E ready for bed, nursed him, put him down, fed Squeaky, etc. (TJ was entertaining my folks while I did all this.) I knew as soon as I saw them that they had come to tell us about what was going on with Gwen’s family. Whatever it was seemed to have something to do with our family as well.

After scrambling to finish the evening chores and trying to get my head around the surprise of them showing up like that, TJ and I sat down with them and they proceeded to tell us what was going on. The conversation that followed was more awful than I can describe. We didn’t fight—it wasn’t like that--and besides, I was in shock and have only slowly begun to process what happened. It was just terrible. I’m sorry to have to be so vague, but this stuff is not for blogs.

I’m trying to figure out where to go from here and how to move forward. I fear that my family will never be the same, and I question my parents’ handling of the situation (to put it mildly). I’m trying to get in to see a counselor as soon as possible so that I can get an objective, professional opinion on how to respond and deal with what I'm feeling. In the meantime, I’m sort of clinging to TJ and Eamon for dear life. I’m so grateful to have them. And thank God tomorrow night is the night I’m going over to Catherine and Shannon’s for one of our girls' dinners. They have already been so supportive, of course. I think we’ll be spending Thanksgiving with them this year instead of with my family.

So . . . just sitting here, sad and anxious and angry and thinking what a relief it is to have E to take care of and laugh with and love in the midst of something like this.

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