Yesterday

It started at 4:40, when E woke up and refused to let us put him back down. He was hurting. His canines. Getting him to bed the last several nights has been difficult (multiple bouts of rocking and crying), which is unusual for him. He's also woken up mid-nap a few times and needed Tylenol.

Later yesterday morning (it was a long morning) I scared myself by falling on the stairs. I was carrying a huge basket of laundry, and E was downstairs on the other side of the gate, waiting for me. I fell down a couple of stairs and landed on the landing on my knees and one of my feet jammed into the baseboard. I started sobbing immediately for some reason even though I wasn't seriously hurt. E thought I was laughing, so he started laughing the laugh he does when he wants to be in on the joke but doesn't know what's funny, until I came down the stairs. He stopped laughing as soon as he saw me, and a look of grave concern came over his face. He watched me closely and hugged me. He is so sweet, that one.

After nap we were playing outside when I realized he was poopy, so I changed him on our new changing table downstairs, but then realized the diaper cream was upstairs. He's had a terrible diaper rash that was even bleeding yesterday morning, so I wanted to be sure and put cream on his bum. I put him down to run around naked while I ran upstairs to get the cream. You can probably guess what happened: Came back down the stairs and found him frozen in the kitchen with a huge pile of soft poo on the floor behind him and a puddle of pee on the floor in front of him. He didn't know what was going on or what to do. Up until now he's been completely oblivious to all things potty related, although he did ask me two days ago to take his diaper off so he could sit on his potty. I think he'd seen one of the co-op girls doing this; I don't think he's realized the purpose of it yet. Anyway, yeah, cleaning up a steaming pile of shit from the kitchen floor was a first for me. I'm just glad I succeeded in keeping him from running his vacuum through it. It was a close call, as we both apparently had a lot of cleaning to do.

A bit later, before bedtime, I was checking email before reading to him and he was behind me with an empty bottle of Motrin (which he loves to play with), a half-full bottle (which had the childproof cap on), and his little medicine cup. I swear I don't usually let him have an un-empty bottle, but he was going to bed in a few minutes, and it wasn't worth the battle to keep it from him (I thought). I just didn't think there was any way he could get the cap off. We both pretended to pour and sip the medicine and smack our lips, and then I turned back to my computer. Soon thereafter it dawned on me that he'd gotten very quiet, and then I realized that he'd uttered a gleeful, triumphant sound a few seconds before. I turned around and he was standing there with a giant grin on his face and two empty bottles of Motrin. I looked down and the carpet was covered in purple goo, as was the front of his shirt. It took me a minute to realize that he'd probably swallowed some himself before dumping it. And I'd already given him a teaspoon. I wasn't too worried, to be honest, but I wanted to call Poison Control anyway. They were super nice (and even called back this morning to check in). Turns out he could've swallowed an entire bottle and been fine. Good to know. Needless to say, he slept like a rock last night.

So, those were the day's highlights. Which I really didn't have time to just write out. But oh well.
It wasn't a bad day at all (and we had a great time at the park in the morning), it was just long and . . . eventful.

Friday at the tail end of a long naptime

Wow, I'm having a hard time getting anything done. I mean, anything but menial chores. Part of it probably has to do with being pregnant, but mostly I think it has to do with having a very active toddler. When I'm not interacting with him or out with him somewhere, I spend most of my time cleaning and picking up the house, washing clothes and dishes. Order is important to me, and yet I often feel like I have nothing to show for my efforts. I get to enjoy a tidy room or a clean kitchen for a fraction of a second before it's all undone and the cycle starts again. Over and over. I feel like a hamster in a wheel, running and running but not getting anywhere. I'm sure this is the lament of many a mom. You'll have to cut me some slack, because TJ was out of town all week and I'm pretty burned out.

I took E for his 18-month well check yesterday (a month late). He got the dreaded MMR shot, which I've been fearing and avoiding for a year. I would've waited until his two-year checkup, but that's right around when the baby is due, so I decided to go ahead and do it now. And you know what? It was no big deal. I mean, he cried (he got two shots), but he was fine shortly afterward, and he was his usual energetic, happy self the rest of the day. We went to play at the Central Market playscape afterward and he had a freaking blast. He has taken monster naps yesterday and today, and this morning he was very difficult to deal with, but that seems to be more from his bottom canines. So, whew, glad the MMR is over.

By the way, he weighed in at 27 pounds, 11 ounces (75th percentile) and he's 32.5 inches tall (60th percentile). His head circumference is in the 90th percentile.

One thing that jumped out at me from the info sheet they gave us about this age: Don't expect them to share yet. Case in point: E's friend Jonas came over yesterday afternoon and there were many tears shed over the miniature Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner we have. Learning to share is hard.

Last Saturday I drove up to Ft. Worth to help throw a bachelorette party for a high school friend. Several of the girls were staying out all night with the bride, but I rode up and back with a friend of mine who's also pregnant (just two weeks apart!) and mama to a toddler. Partying all night and being away from our families the whole weekend wasn't something we felt comfortable with, so we drove up that morning and then back after a late dinner. I got home at 3 a.m. Groan. TJ left that day (though not until the afternoon).

I have to say that the best part of the day on Saturday was talking to my friend in the car. We talked for a total of around seven hours at least. Non-stop. And I felt like we could've talked longer. It was such a treat. No interruptions, no one else to take care of, and endless subjects to talk about. I love this friend, and I wish we got to see each other more often.

Well, E's up now. More soon, hopefully.

Dragging

I mentioned a couple of posts ago that E's been hard to satisfy lately. Duh, he's teething again. All he's got are canines left until the two-year molars. We've had a nice respite from hardcore teething and had forgotten how completely it transforms him. He's been up the past two nights, and on Motrin, and the drool is spilling from his mouth. When he's awake he's clingy and demanding and quick to scream. It's exhausting. He did great at co-op this morning, though. The mom on duty mentioned how sweet and even-tempered he was, and I was all, "Say what?"

This morning he was up at 4:30 and didn't go back down until I forced a brief nap on him at 7:30. TJ was out at a work thing last night, so he was out of commission this morning, and I wasn't amused. I have a UTI right now, and the medication I just started is giving me diarrhea and making me more intensely nauseous than I am anyway. I can't wait to crawl into bed tonight.

But can I just say that we got some new shorts for E recently, and they are so cute I can hardly stand it? He's wearing the khaki ones today. I almost fainted from the cuteness earlier.

Quick and Incomplete Update

I finished my book assignment last Tuesday night, and I still don't feel caught up (hence the lack of blogging). There's something else going on to contribute to this, but more on that at a later date. Now I'm gearing up for my friend's wedding shower this weekend, and for TJ's week-long trip that starts next Monday. In the meantime, we have a busy week as usual.

I'm sure there's an E update, but I can't think what right now. We've just come through a bout of teething that resulted in the emergence of his last one-year molar. He's still teething, but no longer needs Motrin every day. We had a good time with folks at the park this morning. Beautiful weather.

My little brother's All-State concert the weekend before last was wonderful, and TJ and E had a great time spending all day together. They'll be doing it again this Saturday while I'm at the shower in San Marcos. When I got home from San Antonio (it was Valentine's Day), TJ had gotten me a rose from him and one from E, and he'd prepared a Valentine-y cocktail and bought steaks to grill. He'd even gotten some strawberries and chocolate for dessert. He's notorious for hating Valentine's Day with a passion, and I'm ambivalent about it, so we've never really celebrated it. This was a sweet surprise to come home to, I have to say, Valentine's Day or not.

TJ has been especially wonderful lately, by the way. I sure am thankful for him. Lovey love.

It Continues

Last night was awful as well. When will this end? It feels like we're back in the newborn stage again, where everything is hazy and you forget to eat or brush you teeth. He'll only sleep if we're holding him, wants to nurse all the time, wakes up crying when we lay him in his crib, has no routine or schedule whatsoever (and usually we have a wonderfully predictable schedule). Unlike a newborn, he can stay awake at night crying and moaning for hour upon hour upon hour. I never knew he could physically do that. He still has no other symptoms other than a fever that is fairly well controlled by Tylenol and Motrin, but creeps up to 100/101 at the end of the day. It seems obvious that he doesn't have a UTI, because his fever would be much higher and he would be screaming in agony all the time. I think? TJ and I aren't functioning very well at this point.

I'm a little peeved that the doctor immediately suggested a UTI after hearing he wasn't circumcised. UTIs in boys are very rare, and our regular ped (we saw another doctor in the practice) said he sees roughly one case every five years.

Well, I feel like this is the same old boring stuff, but we're pretty much consumed by the situation at the moment. At least we're getting lots of snuggle time. I spend half the time savoring that and half the time about to freak out and needing a break.

I just want our old routine back. And for my boy to feel well again.

A pitiful state, big-kid shoes, and wine time

My poor boy. He has been having such a hard time. He spent much of yesterday crying and wanting to nurse (I'm sore), and then last night was just awful. We haven't had a night like that since his first tooth came in last spring, or since the first night at TJ's parents' house in Florida last March. Last night he was so uncomfortable he couldn't even lay his head down on our shoulders. He kept trying, but then would shudder and whimper and try a different position. He has one more molar left as well as his canines, which I keep hearing are the worst, so maybe that's it? His other molars hurt coming in, but not like this. He couldn't eat lunch today (he put a few pieces of cinnamon raisin bread in his mouth but was crying too hard to chew), and at co-op this morning he didn't touch his snack, which is unheard of.

In the meantime, his face has several scrapes and bruises from various falls, and the runny nose continues. Yesterday I put big-kid shoes on him for the first time, since his Robeez were wet, and he's walking very well in them. I figure I should retire the Robeez for a while so that he can get used to the hard soles. He screams when I put them on, but then is fine. I wonder if babies get blisters?

We had a great but brief visit with my grandmother on Saturday. That's the way it goes these days as a result of E's schedule. We got there a little after 4:00, played out back and visited until 5:00, then walked over to Ruth's house (Nana's best friend) for Wine Time. We've heard many a tale of Wine Time, but hadn't ever experienced it first hand. It's a hoot. There's a group of six or seven women, mostly in their eighties, all widows save one, who gather at each other's homes (they rotate) every day at 5:00. They sit around gabbing and drinking a ton of wine. They oooh'd and ahhh'd over E but didn't let him distract them too much, and they kept telling me to chill out and sit down and drink some wine--meanwhile he's wandering around Ruth's house, which is full of breakables and things to bash his head on. It was funny.

Nana is still cancer free, I'm happy to report, but remains on the chemo regimen for a bit longer. It really takes it out of her, but she's doing great overall.

Well, it sounds like E's up. It looks like it's going to be another long night . . .

The first Saturday of 2009

I've been in a sort of manic tizzy the past couple of days. In love with E, in love with TJ, wanting to clean and rearrange our house, decorate, landscape the backyard, make resolutions, exercise and meditate, have another baby, buy a whole new wardrobe, get a haircut, write thank-yous, just plain write, make various appointments, cook healthy food, put away holidays decorations, finish E's baby album, learn how to use our new camera, go on a diet, eat obsessively. I don't know what's gotten into me.

Squeaky came home on Wednesday. They hadn't been able to get her to eat (other than through a syringe), but she started to eat once she was home. No more vomiting, and no diagnosis as to what made her so sick in the first place. The emergency vet recommends we get an abdominal ultrasound, but we're going to wait on that as long as she seems fine. It was a very expensive vet bill, but our Squeak is back. She's been extra snuggly and attached. She may have a UTI; we're still waiting for the results of her culture.

Here she is, shortly after coming home.


We went to my parents' house in San Antonio on Monday morning and came back late Wednesday afternoon. We had a nice visit, and E especially had a blast playing in the backyard with Grandma and Pops. He's been a basketcase since then (starting with the last day we were there, when he woke up at 4:00 a.m. and never went back down). Teething is such a bitch. There is nothing I wouldn't give him at times like this, but he wants things that he simply can't have, like a carton full of milk without the top on. When he sees me return the milk to the fridge, he becomes completely hysterical and can't be soothed. The only thing that comforts him (aside from the ultimate: nursing) is going outside. It's his new thing. He says, "Sss, ssss, sss" for "outside." I took him out Friday morning and he ended up falling on the sidewalk and scraping his cheek and the tender skin between his upper lip and nose. It was pitiful, especially because he has a runny nose and the neverending river of snot was flowing right over the scraped skin, and I had to keep wiping it. I ended up nursing him after that because he was just beside himself.

There is so much I could say about our time in San Antonio, not to mention our PA trip, but I doubt I'll get a chance.

I'm working on moving this blog over to Wordpress, by the way. I'm excited about the change.

Well, E's up, which means it's time for us to leave for Wimberley to see my grandmother . . .

Home from PA

We got home yesterday after a grueling twelve hours of traveling, and had to immediately take Squeaky to an emergency clinic. She's there now, hooked up to an IV. Our sweet kitty. She started throwing up on Thursday while we were gone. The neighbor who was watching her for us called and said she had thrown up several times but was eating and seemed fine. We decided to wait and see if she stopped throwing up, but she continued. On Friday she wasn't doing well at all, but we were coming home the next day and felt like our neighbor couldn't handle taking Squeaky in (nor did she seem to want to). It's a huge challenge getting her in the carrier and we wouldn't wish it on anyone. But we didn't know until we got home that Squeaky hadn't eaten in two days and hadn't even come downstairs. She had vomited in pretty much every room, some rooms multiple times. She was very, very sick and weak.

Eight hundred dollars later, we know that she has an irritated GI tract, probably from something she swallowed. Her intestines are bunched up and there's gas trapped inside, and she's dehydrated from vomiting. The hope is that she'll pass whatever she swallowed with the help of fluids; otherwise she'll need surgery, which we cannot afford. We've been waiting to hear from the clinic all day, and are not happy that it's now 4:00 and we haven't heard anything. We called around 11 a.m. and they said they'd call us back with an update. Waiting . . .

E, in the meantime, has had a rough day. It's hard adjusting to being back home, and he's beyond exhausted. I don't think we've ever seen him this tired. This morning he cried and cried, and we couldn't figure out what was wrong. We think he was just tired out and readjusting. He took a short nap this morning and has been asleep for a loooong time this afternoon.

The past week has ushered in several fun new developments in the world of E. As of this morning, he points to his tummy and pats it when you ask where his tummy is. We discovered this when he was crying for no apparent reason and I said to TJ, "Do you think his tummy hurts?" And he looked at us meaningfully and then down at his tummy and started patting it. In the Houston airport yesterday, he covered his eyes with his hands and played peekaboo for the first time. It might just be the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. Meanwhile, on our trip he started signing "all done" when he finished a meal, and he also started saying "cup." It sounds more like he's swallowing his tongue when he says it ("gop"), but that's what he's saying. Let's see, he cut two teeth in the past week as well, including a molar, and he started to dance, really dance. He and his two-year-old cousin did a lot of dancing.

These are all sort of predictable skills and definitely boring for anyone else to hear about, but for us it's magical--in a way I bet is different for a second or third child. Not that subsequent children's milestones are any less fun, especially since every child is so unique, but . . . I just suspect it's different. I was thinking about this on our trip, observing TJ's sister's family. They have a two-year-old and a five-month-old. More about this later. I'll also be posting some pictures from our trip. I only took about a million.

5 AM Explosion of Poo

We were all up at 5:00 this morning dealing with the poo to end all poos. (Actually, I'm sure we're in for worse down the road, but this was pretty insane.) It covered E's back all the way to the top, and then went down his arms part way. This is the third morning he's woken up in the 5:00 range with a nasty, nasty poo. After a bath and much nursing and rocking, he went back to sleep (miracle!) from 6:20 to 7:15. He had diarrhea later in the morning. He's had diarrhea for days, and I do still believe it's teething related. But the poor boy. I cannot keep giving him Tylenol and Motrin at this rate.

p.s. TJ's home!

Thanksgiving Recap

We spent Thanksgiving in Wimberley with my grandmother and uncle and his family. It was a nice enough day, though exhausting with E. TJ left for a wedding in Grand Forks, North Dakota, early Friday morning. He gets back tonight around midnight (unless there are delays in Denver, in which case he won't get home until tomorrow). We've stayed as busy as possible the past three days, but there's still been lots of time to kill. E's teething woes continue. He's had diarrhea every day, and his little bum hurts and is quite red. He's had a hard time staying happy for more than a few minutes at a time.

On Friday my mom and stepdad and sisters stopped by on their way to Wimberley. My sister Lauren hadn't seen E since he was three months old. He put on quite a show for them--going from one skill to the next (stacking blocks, rolling balls, spinning tops, and so on) and clapping and smiling and giving big hugs. It was adorable, and they were all beside themselves at the insane cuteness. We all went out for coffee and then they left to go on to Wimberley from there.

Saturday morning we went over to Catherine and Shannon's for breakfast. It was Catherine's birthday. Shannon's sister and niece were in town visiting from CA, so we saw them too. I was excited to give Catherine her gifts: We got her an immersion blender (we recently got one as well), and I made her a word bouquet using a pretty little brown vase and strips of card stock. I had her family and friends send me at least ten things that they love and admire about her, so there were around eighty strips when all was said and done. E was having a very hard time yesterday morning, and I would've liked to present it to her in a more ideal setting, but that wasn't to be. In any case, she cried and seemed very touched, and I was glad. We left soon after that, and then the babysitter came in the afternoon and I drove down to San Marcos for my mom's concert, which went well. I longed to spend more time with my sisters, who both live in New York and who I rarely see together, but I felt like I needed to get home. After the performance, I took the girls to get coffee and we talked for a few minutes before I hit the road. They're funny, those two. More about them later (I hope).

This morning my mom and stepdad stopped by on their way out of town (after dropping my sisters at the airport), and we went to breakfast, then E and I went to church. After he wakes up from his nap I'm going to take him to the outlet mall to get some shoes. The one pair he has are falling apart. I traced his feet earlier, so hopefully that will make the outing less painful.

Wow. This is the driest, most boring post ever. Guess that's all I've got in me right now. And it's just as well, because I hear the monkey stirring.

Miserable Night and an Explosion of Poo

Last night was horrific. It's been a long time since we've had a night like that. Nursing was the one and only thing that soothed him. I nursed and nursed and nursed. If he wasn't nursing he was screaming hysterically, didn't want to be rocked, didn't want to be held, didn't want to be in his bed or anywhere. And this was with Motrin. I think he's gotta be working on several teeth at once. Poor monkey.

He hung in at co-op this morning, thanks to the brilliant suggestion by one of the moms that we should have an Ergo on hand at co-op every week. One of the moms on duty today wore him and he fell asleep for ten or fifteen minutes and awoke a new man.

He was fussy and clingy and irritable the rest of the day, though he took a good nap, and then right before supper I looked over and saw what turned out to be poo streaking down the back legs of his pants. I carried him upstairs and peeled off his poo-stained socks and clothes to reveal a blowout of epic proportions. Really, it was staggering. Shit was immediately, inexplicably everywhere. On my hands and arms, my shirt and pants, his hands (and not just a little on his hands), all over the changing table, of course, and covering his body. I put him in the bath just like that, and then he ran around naked while I cleaned the tub before putting him back in. The cloth diaper he had on is still in the toilet. TJ heard the water running (or maybe he heard me freaking out), and he came upstairs to help after he got of the phone (it was around 5:30). I was thanking my lucky stars that he works from home.

So anyway, it was something else. We haven't experienced diarrhea as a symptom of teething before now. (At least I'm assuming that's what was going on.)

Sixth Tooth, Hanging with Renee, "Dada"

Eamon has a sixth tooth in and we didn't even know it. TJ spotted it this morning; it's in the back on the bottom. Not completely in yet, but not brand-new, either. I think he's working on another (or more) right now as well, though his nighttime sleep hasn't been interrupted, thankfully. He's a champ.

This afternoon we're taking him over to Shannon's mom's house and she's going to babysit him while we go to a movie (or do some Christmas shopping, depending on how things time out). We've never left him in a situation quite like this before--in a new place with someone he's not familiar with, so we'll see how it goes. Renee (Shannon's mom) seemed to really want to babysit him, which is how this came about. I suspect he'll be fine, especially because she has a little white dog named Lola who he's going to LOVE, and because Renee will be very attentive to him. I just hope he does well and doesn't get upset.

He's added "Dada" to his repertoire in the past few days and clearly understands what it means, though he doesn't have complete control over it yet. "Dada" joins "ball" and "ga-ga," which originally meant "Gracie" (Shannon and Catherine's dog) but has now apparently come to signify all animals, including Squeaky.

Not So Bad

Today has been better so far than I expected. I think it was good that we took TJ to the airport; I don't know why, but it feels a lot better than saying good-bye to him at home. This was the first time we've done that; it would've been a waste of money to pay for parking for six days, obviously.

We came home and had a snack and played and then went to church, where I had a hard time staying focused. I picked E up from the nursery before the service ended (since it was way past lunch and naptime on his clock) and we came home to eat. Now he's napping. He's been teething with a vengeance for the past day and a half, so I gave him some Tylenol before putting him down because he was chewing on his hands nonstop, drooling, and has a runny nose.

I have to admit I'm stressed about how the nights will go away from home (mainly because of the teething and our dependence on rocking and the fact that we don't nurse at night anymore, although I'm sure I'll end up doing exactly that). Last night he was up from 3:30 to 4:30. I rocked him twice and TJ once; in between there was hysterical crying. Anyway, I guess we'll see. The good thing is that after he finally stayed down he slept until 6:30 (7:30 according to the old time). Whew.

Last night we went to dinner at Mandola's at the Triangle, and saw the fountain they have there. It's way better than the one at the Domain, and I plan on taking E back to play in it later this afternoon. He desperately wanted to last night, but we just weren't equipped to deal with a soaking wet boy. I was happy to discover something new that we could come back to today.

You'd think TJ was going off to Iraq for a year from the way I've been dreading this trip. It's ridiculous, really. I tend to get anxious about things like this, sometimes more and sometimes less. Now that it's started, I feel almost relieved, and today has been nice in a way. I knew it would be a solitary day, and I guess my mood adapted. Eamon plays so well by himself now, and I've just been doing some housework and laundry and playing with him in between as usual.

It's becoming more and more clear that he's saying the word "ball." When he says it, it sounds more like "buh," but he says it when looking at his toy balls and when he's holding them (which is pretty much 24/7). He is a funny, funny guy.

I can't believe the election is only two days away. God! I think I'd be obsessing about it more if this weren't such an unusual week for us and I wasn't already so preoccupied. But it's incredibly exciting and incredibly nerve-wracking, and I just pray it's a landslide. It really does feel like Obama is our country's only hope, to the point that it might as well be written in the stars. If only that's true.

Status Report: Twelve Months

It's amazing that twelve months ago, give or take, E looked like this.

And here he is today, a big standing guy.

I took him to his twelve-month check-up this morning (he turned one on September 30). He weighed 24 pounds 11 ounces and measured 30 inches tall. Those measurements apparently fall in the 60th to 75th percentile range, and his head circumference landed around the 80th percentile.

In the waiting room, I noticed something in his hair that I thought was dried food or snot at first, only to discover that he has cradle cap on the top of his head. For some reason, uncovering the peeling, flaky, orangey expanse of dry scalp hidden under his sweet blond locks gave me the willies. The timing of the discovery couldn't have been more perfect, though. The doc told us some stuff to do, so we'll see if it works.

I only had a couple of questions going in. The first had to do with whether I might be raising a Motrin addict. I just feel like I'm constantly doling out the Motrin. The doc said once a day is okay when it's needed, and giving it a break every now and then is a good thing. Our Motrin use runs in spurts, so I was relieved to hear this. E's fifth tooth is in as of yesterday or the day before, so that was cool to see.

My other question had to do with food (surprise, surprise, toddlerhood). I haven't had a chance to post about it, but I just don't feel like we've got the food thing down. It seems like Eamon eats the same four meals (actually more like two now) over and over again, and in the meantime he's getting pickier and pickier. (So predictable, I know.) He flat-out refuses to feed himself fruits or vegetables. He won't touch them; the texture freaks him out. We're still able to feed him some veggies and fruit out of jars in between bites of regular food, but I don't expect that to last much longer. Right now, the main meals he eats are peanut butter & jelly sandwiches with Pirate's Booty and black bean & cheese quesadillas (and this week we thought to add spinach--and he ate it!). He used to eat tortilla with hummus, but now he won't touch hummus. Last night I couldn't bear to give him another quesadilla, so I tried heating up leftovers from our dinner the night before: baked pesto chicken and rice and peas. He surprised me by going nuts over the chicken, and he spit the rice and peas out. (He used to just refuse things; now he spits them out.) I was ecstatic over the chicken. Up until now he wouldn't eat chicken. He's also stopped eating avocado and bananas. He loves cubed cheese and cottage cheese; he's a dairy man in general. Frozen veggie burgers used to be popular: no mas. We've gotta find some other things that he'll eat, although the doc said not to worry about this stuff. He said E's sensitivity to texture is completely normal and that on average toddlers only eat one spoonful of food per meal, and then every seventh meal or so they eat a ton. Worrying about it will just make you neurotic, he said. I didn't tell him I already had that covered.

It would probably be best to all eat together, and to feed him whatever we're eating, but I just don't see that happening right now. He eats at 5:30 or 6:00, and there's just no way we can have dinner ready by then. Maybe at some point.

While I'm at it, here's a (hopefully quick) rundown on life with E as of late. On average, he goes down at 7 p.m. and wakes up at 6 a.m. (today it was 5:00, woohoo). We haven't had any night wakings in awhile, not since we cut out that one feeding. Actually, that's not completely true. He often wakes up once or twice between 7:00 and 11:00. Frequently, he puts himself back to sleep without us having to go in, but if he wakes up more than twice, it's usually because he's teething, and at that point I give him Motrin and rock him for a song or two. He goes down for his nap between noon and 1:00 and is usually up by 2:00. He often sleeps for an hour and a half, sometimes an hour or less, and sometimes (more rarely) for two hours.

He nurses three times a day: morning, before nap, and before bed. He's had a runny nose for the past week and has sometimes been too congested to nurse before nap, so on those days he's nursed after nap, and hasn't had a problem going down for his nap without nursing. I'm toying with the idea of cutting out the midday nursing, or rather seeing what happens if I don't offer it. There are days he wants to nurse for comfort, and I oblige. This happens maybe once a week. It happened last week in the middle of our playdate with Kay and Jonas. He came over to me and asked to nurse by moaning and leaning into me and grabbing at my shirt and biting/sucking on my arm. He nursed for a few minutes and then pulled off and resumed playing with Jonas, as though all was right in the world again.

He's starting to take steps but isn't walking yet. He spends a lot of time going from sitting to standing without holding on to anything, and then he stands and balances and grins and bounces and squeals and claps. We've noticed that he understands certain things we say: "Are you ready to go?" "Where's Squeaky?" That kind of thing. It's an amazing feeling to see him start to comprehend language.

In the past week he's learned how to hold his sippy cup by himself, and he seems to be enjoying the independence this offers. We now put his cup on his highchair tray during meals, and he stops eating very frequently to drink, which I find hilarious.

He loves social outings and is no shrinking violet. This is a constant source of wonder and discovery for me--watching him with other people, seeing the energy and happiness he gets from connecting with adults, bigger kids, and to a lesser (or different) extent, other babies. He thrives on it. He feels such joy, he could just burst.

This past Tuesday was my first time working at the co-op, and it was fascinating for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was seeing E's response to my taking care of other babies. One baby had a hard time when his mama left, and he needed to be held for a while. Eamon did not like that one bit. In fact, the other mom on duty had to comfort him while I was holding the other baby. It cracked me up because it seemed so unlike E (at least to date; then again we've never been in this situation before). A similar thing happened when I changed another boy's poopy diaper. E crawled over and clung to my leg, moaning dramatically the whole time. It was pretty funny.

It's amazing how intense and exhausting two hours with a group of little ones can be. I had a good time getting to know the other five babes better. They are all so different (natch), and so funny and sweet. The ages range from 12 months (E) to 17 months. This whole co-op thing rocks, I must say.

Well, I started this post during naptime today, and now it's evening and time to wind things down. Maybe I'll add a few more things tomorrow (as if this post weren't long enough).

Another E Report

I have this vague idea that once E is one (in almost exactly two weeks!), I won't blog as much about the ins and outs of his sleeping and all that stuff. That's my goal, anyway. But until then . . . last night felt like a milestone. He didn't wake up at all until 4:45, but he really wanted to nurse then and was crying pretty hard in his room. I made a split-second decision (sorry, TJ) that I wasn't going to nurse him. So TJ went in (cue the next level of angry, hysterical screeching) and rocked him while I listened and cringed. I was sure it wouldn't work and he'd end up staying awake from then on, and I was asking myself if nursing him at 5:00 every morning was really all that bad. Then, lo and behold, he stopped crying after about five minutes and put his head down and went to sleep. TJ rocked him for quite awhile and then came back to bed. Five minutes later, E was up again, screaming mad. TJ went back in and rocked him, and again he went to sleep after several minutes of pissed-off crying. This time he stayed asleep until 7:00. Victory!!!!! At the first peep from him, I ran into his room and scooped him up to nurse (I still felt empty after over twelve hours of not nursing, by the way). We were so happy to see each other. I can't imagine how great it would be if he slept through the night and woke up between 6:00 and 7:00. It would change everything.

In other milk-related news, I gave him cow's milk with his dinner last night. I have never seen him suck so hard for so long on a sippy cup. He freaking loved it. I also heated up a frozen Amy's organic veggie burger for him for the first time (he had cheese and fruit as well), and he really liked it.

His favorite food of all, however, is cottage cheese. I usually give it to him as an afternoon snack, and he practically faints from joy. The only problem is that nothing makes him throw a bigger tantrum than coming to the end of the cottage cheese (and it's not like I give him a measley serving). He FLIPS out (shaking, growling, his face beet red, throat-shredding screams), to the point that it almost cancels out the happiness he was clearly feeling moments before. The emotional rollercoaster has begun . . .

Instinct

In the first few months after E was born, I kept a stack of baby/parenting guides by the tv upstairs, and I consulted them often, sometimes frantically. There were so many changes, so many decisions to make, and inevitably something weird would happen with his poop or his sleep or his breathing or his nursing, and I wouldn't know what it meant or if I should be worried. I also used to wonder things like: How will I know when to stop swaddling him? How will I know when he's ready to go longer between feedings? How will I know when it's time to move him from the co-sleeper to his crib? When should we start feeding him solids?

I now look at the baby books very, very rarely. They sit on a shelf in my office, mostly collecting dust. It's not that I'm an expert now. Newborns really are inscrutable mysteries in many ways. Caring for them is very stressful, in my opinion. But I've also realized that there is this thing called instinct and it has guided me through the unanswerable questions and transitions over the past year, even when I didn't realize that's what was happening and I felt anything but confident. I somehow just knew when it was time to stop swaddling E, for instance. And the latest thing is that I think it's time to start giving him cow's milk. He won't be one until the end of the month, but he eats a lot of dairy (cottage cheese is like crack to him) and he has no problems with it. Also, my breasts have felt incredibly empty lately, almost deflated. At the same time, E has suddenly started gulping down water, whereas up until now he would only take a couple of sips a day. So, I think it's time (maybe this seems obvious). I let him have some of my skim milk to try last week and he took to it immediately, so I'll be interested to see what he does with whole milk.

In other E news, the second top tooth came through yesterday, just a sliver. Today his gum has been bleeding but he's been okay. Last night we finally put the kebosh on the middle-of the-night feeding. He woke up at 2:00, and I could tell it was because of his teeth (usually he wakes up closer to 4:00). I rocked him but he kept wincing and twitching and he started screaming again when I put him back down. TJ got up and we gave him some Motrin and then TJ rocked him, which E wasn't happy about at all. He flipped when I left the room but calmed down after a few minutes. TJ rocked him for a long time and then came back to bed and fell asleep, but E was crying again in a few minutes. I went back in and rocked him yet again, and he didn't protest. This time it took. It was after 3:00 when I crawled back in bed. Once we've gotten him night weaned, we'll need to stop going in and rocking him endlessly, but I thought last night went well, considering. I did nurse him when he woke up screaming at 5:30 this morning. I'd like to wait until 6:00 if I can, but I didn't want to make him cry until then. Surprisingly, he went back to sleep after nursing. Thank God. I felt like the walking dead.

He only napped for a half hour or so total yesterday, so that was quite a feat.

He is just the sweetest boy. When you rock him he buries his face as far as possible into your neck and he stays that way the entire time.

Catching Up

I haven't gotten around to posting much lately. Just not feeling it. And I've been busy cleaning and taking care of E and trying to work on that book project I mentioned earlier. (I'm learning a lot, but I think this could take years.)

To catch up briefly, we had a good Labor Day weekend. On Saturday we went to Wimberley to visit Nana. She looked pretty good, just very tired. The chemo and radiation have thoroughly kicked her ass. Luckily, she just finished her first round, so now she'll have a six-week break. She hopes to get some of her energy back during this time.

On Sunday we drove down to San Marcos to my childhood friend Amber's ranch. She was throwing a bbq birthday bash for her husband, who we hadn't met yet. It was great to meet him and their two boys and some other Austin Mama families, and E had fun in the pool. The food was heavenly, and the setting could not have been lovelier. The party was actually at Amber's parents' house, which might be the most beautiful home I've ever seen. Seriously. Breathtaking.

We started out Labor Day being very domestic. I cleaned downstairs and TJ make hummus and bean salad. Around lunchtime we found out that Catherine and Shannon (who just moved into their first house) had had a plumbing fiasco the night before (the bath water wouldn't turn off) that resulted in the water for the whole house having to be turned off, thanks to a neighbor's assistance. They were waiting for the plumber to arrive that afternoon. When we heard the situation they were in, and learned that they didn't have any food for lunch, we drove down to South Austin and picked up food for them at Central Market, along with several gallons of water, and went on over. The plumber was there by the time we arrived and was able to fix the problem, and we got a chance to visit with them. TJ hadn't seen their house yet. It was fun.

This past Saturday my dad and Gwen were going to be in Austin for a choir thing (my dad's a choir director), so they came over and we went to lunch at the Eastside Cafe and then came back here to visit awhile. They hadn't been to our house in months (they had the craziest summer) and hadn't seen Eamon's latest tricks, so I was excited to have them here.

As for E, he continues to pull up like crazy, has started to take a few steps while holding on to things (but isn't really cruising yet), and is still transitioning to one nap. If he wakes up between 5:00 and 6:30, he needs a morning nap, but if he wakes up closer to 7:00, it's a one-nap day. Lately he's been waking up super early, and in the past two days he's started teething in earnest again (the second top tooth), so that hasn't been fun. Last week when that first top tooth was really coming through, his gums were actually bleeding. But the pain seemed to dissipate after a day of that.

He's been having a great time playing with his round blocks downstairs (balancing them on their round edge and then watching them roll and fall), he still loves rolling the cylinder blocks across the wood floor, and he's gotten hours of entertainment from this little tupperware cup that he pushes around the kitchen. Because of its shape, it rolls in circles and other crazy patterns, and he crawls after it, delighted. I get the sense that he thinks it's alive.

His love affair with Squeaky continues, and TJ and I think that he might be trying to say "Squeaky." I always thought that would be his first word, but the jury's still out on whether he's really saying it. Whatever sound he's making, it's new and it's two syllables, and it makes us laugh.

And I guess that about sums things up.

Only Mama Will Do, Eleven Months and a Top Tooth

Alongside his debut as a social butterfly, E has also paradoxically become much more attached to Mama lately. He wants to be close to me and preferably be held by me much of the time, not really in social situations so much (ironically) but the rest of the time. He's also started not wanting to go to TJ sometimes (he gives him The Hand). He only wants his mama. The clinginess can be a bit much some days, but I'm also savoring it. My little lovebug. We're starting to be able to cuddle together (as opposed to me just cuddling him) and it's pretty wonderful.

His top left tooth broke through on August 30, by the way, the day he turned eleven months, and the other top tooth isn't far behind.

Poor E

He was up from 2:00 to 4:00 last night, and was crying hysterically for part of that time. I nursed him twice in those two hours; it was the only thing that would soothe him. He was up for the day at 5:30 this morning, and only took a short morning nap, but then nursed and slept on me for an hour after that. It was as though he was four months old again. Poor babe. He's now fighting another nap (wtf??), but I've dosed him up with Motrin and I know he's exhausted. Effing teeth.

Nothing in Particular

That last post was so whiny and negative. Blech.

I think I just miss being able to talk to my stepmom, Gwen, during the day. (She just started a new job after not working for the past three years.) I knew I missed her, but I didn't realize just how much I depended on our often daily talks. It feels different to have both of my parents working, and I'm afraid we'll see less of them during the school year than we already do. On the other hand, I'm incredibly thankful to live as close to them as we do. Yay for wonderful grandparents!

E took two naps today. It was fantastic. But the poor guy is having such a hard time with what we can only assume are these killer top teeth that are close to breaking through. I hope they pop soon.

As I've mentioned before, in the spring we found this great church that we love, and we joined in June. After leaving the UU church, we didn't hold out much hope of finding a church liberal enough for us. But we did! Anyway, I won't go into much detail because I feel weird writing about church, but there was this mantra mentioned on Sunday (the topic was ego and humility) and I loved it: I am nothing; I have nothing. You might say it at night when you can't fall asleep because you're worrying about so many things.

I am nothing. I have nothing.

It's liberating.