The first Saturday of 2009

I've been in a sort of manic tizzy the past couple of days. In love with E, in love with TJ, wanting to clean and rearrange our house, decorate, landscape the backyard, make resolutions, exercise and meditate, have another baby, buy a whole new wardrobe, get a haircut, write thank-yous, just plain write, make various appointments, cook healthy food, put away holidays decorations, finish E's baby album, learn how to use our new camera, go on a diet, eat obsessively. I don't know what's gotten into me.

Squeaky came home on Wednesday. They hadn't been able to get her to eat (other than through a syringe), but she started to eat once she was home. No more vomiting, and no diagnosis as to what made her so sick in the first place. The emergency vet recommends we get an abdominal ultrasound, but we're going to wait on that as long as she seems fine. It was a very expensive vet bill, but our Squeak is back. She's been extra snuggly and attached. She may have a UTI; we're still waiting for the results of her culture.

Here she is, shortly after coming home.


We went to my parents' house in San Antonio on Monday morning and came back late Wednesday afternoon. We had a nice visit, and E especially had a blast playing in the backyard with Grandma and Pops. He's been a basketcase since then (starting with the last day we were there, when he woke up at 4:00 a.m. and never went back down). Teething is such a bitch. There is nothing I wouldn't give him at times like this, but he wants things that he simply can't have, like a carton full of milk without the top on. When he sees me return the milk to the fridge, he becomes completely hysterical and can't be soothed. The only thing that comforts him (aside from the ultimate: nursing) is going outside. It's his new thing. He says, "Sss, ssss, sss" for "outside." I took him out Friday morning and he ended up falling on the sidewalk and scraping his cheek and the tender skin between his upper lip and nose. It was pitiful, especially because he has a runny nose and the neverending river of snot was flowing right over the scraped skin, and I had to keep wiping it. I ended up nursing him after that because he was just beside himself.

There is so much I could say about our time in San Antonio, not to mention our PA trip, but I doubt I'll get a chance.

I'm working on moving this blog over to Wordpress, by the way. I'm excited about the change.

Well, E's up, which means it's time for us to leave for Wimberley to see my grandmother . . .

Home from PA

We got home yesterday after a grueling twelve hours of traveling, and had to immediately take Squeaky to an emergency clinic. She's there now, hooked up to an IV. Our sweet kitty. She started throwing up on Thursday while we were gone. The neighbor who was watching her for us called and said she had thrown up several times but was eating and seemed fine. We decided to wait and see if she stopped throwing up, but she continued. On Friday she wasn't doing well at all, but we were coming home the next day and felt like our neighbor couldn't handle taking Squeaky in (nor did she seem to want to). It's a huge challenge getting her in the carrier and we wouldn't wish it on anyone. But we didn't know until we got home that Squeaky hadn't eaten in two days and hadn't even come downstairs. She had vomited in pretty much every room, some rooms multiple times. She was very, very sick and weak.

Eight hundred dollars later, we know that she has an irritated GI tract, probably from something she swallowed. Her intestines are bunched up and there's gas trapped inside, and she's dehydrated from vomiting. The hope is that she'll pass whatever she swallowed with the help of fluids; otherwise she'll need surgery, which we cannot afford. We've been waiting to hear from the clinic all day, and are not happy that it's now 4:00 and we haven't heard anything. We called around 11 a.m. and they said they'd call us back with an update. Waiting . . .

E, in the meantime, has had a rough day. It's hard adjusting to being back home, and he's beyond exhausted. I don't think we've ever seen him this tired. This morning he cried and cried, and we couldn't figure out what was wrong. We think he was just tired out and readjusting. He took a short nap this morning and has been asleep for a loooong time this afternoon.

The past week has ushered in several fun new developments in the world of E. As of this morning, he points to his tummy and pats it when you ask where his tummy is. We discovered this when he was crying for no apparent reason and I said to TJ, "Do you think his tummy hurts?" And he looked at us meaningfully and then down at his tummy and started patting it. In the Houston airport yesterday, he covered his eyes with his hands and played peekaboo for the first time. It might just be the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. Meanwhile, on our trip he started signing "all done" when he finished a meal, and he also started saying "cup." It sounds more like he's swallowing his tongue when he says it ("gop"), but that's what he's saying. Let's see, he cut two teeth in the past week as well, including a molar, and he started to dance, really dance. He and his two-year-old cousin did a lot of dancing.

These are all sort of predictable skills and definitely boring for anyone else to hear about, but for us it's magical--in a way I bet is different for a second or third child. Not that subsequent children's milestones are any less fun, especially since every child is so unique, but . . . I just suspect it's different. I was thinking about this on our trip, observing TJ's sister's family. They have a two-year-old and a five-month-old. More about this later. I'll also be posting some pictures from our trip. I only took about a million.

Squeaky, Leaving, the Rebel

About to go to bed. We're leaving at 11:00 in the morning for the airport. But first we'll be calling a vet up the road (we never found a new vet when we bought this house), because we think Squeaky might have a kidney infection. Or something. We have found two blood stains--sprays of blood, really--that I realized today are from her. It's unclear where on her body the blood is coming from, but her mouth doesn't look bloody. Neither does her rear, but surely it's coming from there? My poor Squeak. Sweet girl. I always feel terrible leaving her anyway, and now it looks like we may be boarding her, which will be incredibly traumatic for her. (Just going to the vet will traumatize her in a huge way.)

I could go on about things, but it's late and I've got to sleep.

There are things we're looking forward to on this trip, like seeing Keltie and meeting our new nephew Owen (he's six months) and watching E play with his cousin Julia (Owen's big sister who's two), but I think at this point we're a bit freaked out about how E will react to having his schedule turned on its head, what he'll be like on the plane, what will happen if we encounter serious delays, how he'll do in the hotel room, and just the logistics of things like feeding him (dinnertime tomorrow will take place midair). These are our concerns, condensed. It will be stressful, in part because it's completely unpredictable, but I think it'll be okay once we're actually doing it. It will be an adventure, anyway!

Oh, I almost forgot: TJ and I exchanged gifts yesterday, and he totally shocked me by getting me the camera I've been dying to have but didn't think I'd get for years and years, if ever. It's the C.anon Rebel Xsi. I'd mentioned it in an email to him a year ago or so, and he found the email and went out and bought it. I could not believe it! It's not cheap, either. He's crazy. We don't get each other expensive gifts usually. Oh, but it's beautiful. We're taking it on the trip, so I'll post pictures when we get back. Hopefully I'll figure out how to work it between now and then.

Happy holidays . . .

Go, go, go, and a DVD player

Yesterday morning E and I met a high school friend of mine and her 16-month-old daughter at the Children's Museum. We'd planned to meet at Zilker Park, but it was too cold out. Neither of us had been to the museum, so it was the perfect place to meet, although it made for a very high energy outing. Little Alayna had her arms wrapped around her mom's leg, looking all around, or she'd hold her mom's hand while tentatively exploring the loud, crowded room. Even when she went off by herself, she never strayed far from her mama. My guy, on the other hand (who's two months younger), was a whirling dervish. He never stopped moving; he walked anywhere and everywhere, eyes wide, arms and legs pumping, smiling and waving at any stranger who caught his eye. Off he'd go across the room, into the next room, down a hallway, up a ramp, back down the ramp, etc. He never looked back. Anytime I picked him up to move him back to a central location, he threw his arms up in the air and arched his back. He had places to go! It was amazing to see the difference in Alayna and E's personalities. Alayna is such a sweet girl. I just kept staring at her, watching her take it all in, observing the intimate way she communicated with her mom. Part of me is full of pride that my boy is often so confident and secure and outgoing (he's not always, but in this setting he was). I love his energy and his drive and the fountain of happiness that pours out of him when he bonds with someone he's just met. But I have to say that I've noticed it's a lot more work keeping up with a guy like E! Or maybe that's not a fair thing to say. I guess what I mean is that it takes a different kind of energy. He keeps me on my toes, this one. It's been incredible seeing how much he's changed just in the past month. The number of pictures I took of him last month dropped dramatically, and I think that's directly related to the fact that he's always moving, and I'm always moving with him or after him or trying to keep up with the trail of destruction he leaves in his wake. I've also noticed that I almost never talk on the phone anymore.

Given his need for motion and his aversion to being held or contained for long, TJ and I have started to dread and worry about the upcoming plane rides to and from Pennsylvania. We plan to buy some new toys to introduce on the plane, but we both know that's not going to cut it. So, today we bit the bullet and bought a portable DVD player. I know, I know. And who knows if it will even hold E's attention. We don't let him watch tv at home, but we're going to make an exception for these plane rides and hope it buys us some time. I suppose it will be good to have in the arsenal, especially if we encounter horrible delays as we have in the past over Christmas. (I cannot imagine.) TJ, by the way, began geeking out the minute we got the DVD player home. He'll be able to take it with him when he travels for work, which is nice, and it can also act as our home DVD player (it hooks up to a TV) when the crappy used one we bought six years ago on EBay finally dies.

Out of Sorts

Things started feeling weird around 3:30. For one thing, the time change suddenly became very noticeable. It felt more like 5:30. But it wasn't. Luckily, I had the Triangle outing in mind, and it turned out to be just the thing. I turned the fountain on (there weren't any other kids there) and E played in the water cautiously for the few minutes it was on, but he was really more interested in throwing his balls across the bricklaid ground and crawling after them. We also played in the grass and watched dogs for a while. He had a blast, and was on the move constantly the whole time we were there. I was gratified thinking of all the energy he was getting out. Here are a couple of pictures I took to send TJ. I also took a video that I find hilarious but that I think would be too boring to most people to post.


Now I'm sitting in what feels like a cavernously empty house and trying not to feel too strange. I usually love the rare night I get to myself at home, but tonight isn't one of those nights. TJ's presence makes this place feel so warm and full and balanced; without him there's a gaping hole. This isn't news to me, but I'm acutely aware of it tonight, I think partly because of the distance I feel from my family. And because we've been so content at home lately in our routines with E, and so delighted by him. Every night, without fail, we end up talking about how funny he is, how beautiful, how crazy--freaking crazy--we are about him. I always go in before bed and put a hand on him to feel him breathing, and when I come back to our room TJ asks me what position he was in, and I tell him, and then we talk about how insanely cute it is, whether he was on his back or his side or whatever. It's all insanely cute.

TJ might as well be on another planet right now from where I sit. He's in San Francisco with good friends who are also his business partners, and his brother is there, too, on business, and some other friends he used to work with in DC. He's staying in a nice hotel, is out to dinner tonight, and has plans every night. I can't really imagine, and it doesn't sound like we'll get to talk all that much. But I'm looking forward to spending time with Catherine and Shannon, and to other things like getting to the bottom of the laundry hamper and having it stay that way for longer than a day.

Not So Bad

Today has been better so far than I expected. I think it was good that we took TJ to the airport; I don't know why, but it feels a lot better than saying good-bye to him at home. This was the first time we've done that; it would've been a waste of money to pay for parking for six days, obviously.

We came home and had a snack and played and then went to church, where I had a hard time staying focused. I picked E up from the nursery before the service ended (since it was way past lunch and naptime on his clock) and we came home to eat. Now he's napping. He's been teething with a vengeance for the past day and a half, so I gave him some Tylenol before putting him down because he was chewing on his hands nonstop, drooling, and has a runny nose.

I have to admit I'm stressed about how the nights will go away from home (mainly because of the teething and our dependence on rocking and the fact that we don't nurse at night anymore, although I'm sure I'll end up doing exactly that). Last night he was up from 3:30 to 4:30. I rocked him twice and TJ once; in between there was hysterical crying. Anyway, I guess we'll see. The good thing is that after he finally stayed down he slept until 6:30 (7:30 according to the old time). Whew.

Last night we went to dinner at Mandola's at the Triangle, and saw the fountain they have there. It's way better than the one at the Domain, and I plan on taking E back to play in it later this afternoon. He desperately wanted to last night, but we just weren't equipped to deal with a soaking wet boy. I was happy to discover something new that we could come back to today.

You'd think TJ was going off to Iraq for a year from the way I've been dreading this trip. It's ridiculous, really. I tend to get anxious about things like this, sometimes more and sometimes less. Now that it's started, I feel almost relieved, and today has been nice in a way. I knew it would be a solitary day, and I guess my mood adapted. Eamon plays so well by himself now, and I've just been doing some housework and laundry and playing with him in between as usual.

It's becoming more and more clear that he's saying the word "ball." When he says it, it sounds more like "buh," but he says it when looking at his toy balls and when he's holding them (which is pretty much 24/7). He is a funny, funny guy.

I can't believe the election is only two days away. God! I think I'd be obsessing about it more if this weren't such an unusual week for us and I wasn't already so preoccupied. But it's incredibly exciting and incredibly nerve-wracking, and I just pray it's a landslide. It really does feel like Obama is our country's only hope, to the point that it might as well be written in the stars. If only that's true.

Trip (Censored)

I feel slightly nervous writing much about our trip to my mom's because she knows I have a blog. I shared the blog with my little sisters (same mom as I, different dad), and the older one, Kristin, who's living at their house, let its existence slip, but then explained that it was private. Ouch. I've never said a word about it to my mom, but it makes me uncomfortable knowing she's aware of it.

In any case, earlier I had started a post about the positives and negatives of our trip, but I got too weirded out to write freely, so I think I'll just quit while I'm ahead. I will say that E was TERRIFIED of the dogs on Friday (and who wouldn't be--they are huge and out of control) but had overcome his fear for the most part by Sunday. He also slept remarkably well while we were there.

My stepdad was very sweet with E. It was the first time he'd held him. My sister showed no interest in holding or playing with him. I guess she's just not a baby person. (Don't know if she'll read this; I suppose it's possible.)

Oh, my mom showed me this beautiful Christmas stocking she's making for E. We'd picked it out together online, but I hadn't seen the pattern in real life.

Home, Tired; I'm Me and You're You

We're back. I don't think we've ever been so glad to be home, although E and I have both been tired and out of sorts today. (I feel the kind of tired where it's like you're drugged. Zero energy.) Road trips with a baby are tough; this was our first. Luckily, we'd purchased a new children's music cd--Laurie Berkner--before we left, so we didn't have to listen to the same cd of 57 classic children's songs that we've been listening to nonstop for four months (and that Eamon LOVES, by the way). We're about ready to gouge our eyeballs out on that one. But anyway, Laurie Berkner is great. My favorite song right now is "I'm Me and You're You." The first verse goes:

I'm me, and you're you.
I like green, you like blue.
I use tape, you use glue.
I stayed short, and you grew.
It doesn't matter what we do,
cuz I'm still me and you're still you.

It's super sweet. And frankly, I still struggle with the whole you/me concept even as an adult. I'm always shocked (horrified at times) to discover how different TJ and I are. I forget that he doesn't think exactly the way I do, and need the same things. But he really, really doesn't. Here I must insert, "And that's okay!" It is perfectly okay, it truly is, probably even good, but god, it can present a challenge at times.

So I took a zillion pictures at my mom's, but I'm just going to post this weird one from the drive home that TJ took that I find funny. There's another one that's much better of both of us, where we're looking at the camera and smiling, but I think this one says a lot more. We'd stopped in Waco at a Starbucks at Baylor University and spread a towel out on the grass to give E a break from the car. More about the trip later. Too tired now . . .


p.s. Eamon is nine months old today.