Monday, September 1, 2008

Fertility, Ovulation (THOSE words again?)

The whole time we were trying to get pregnant with E, I never figured out ovulation. It just wasn't consistent with me. Weird stuff would happen quite often with my cycle, and I never knew why or what was going on in there, despite having tests and surgery, etc. The whole thing felt like a mystery to me. I had theories, but all of them were ultimately made up in my head and can never be proven. Anyway, ever since my cycle has come back following E's birth, it's been VERY, VERY obvious when I ovulate. I still feel so used to the notion of trying to get pregnant that it feels weird, almost unnatural, to let these opportunities go by. It freaks me out to think that we could be missing our one chance. What if this super-duper ovulation stuff doesn't continue and I go back to the way my cycles used to be? This may sound paranoid, but it's happened before. Of course, it doesn't really matter since we did, in fact, end up conceiving. Note to self.

It's not like I desire to be pregnant right now. No! I just feel this almost biological urge to try (what IS that?), if not now, then in a few months. It doesn't help that TJ said yesterday out of the blue that he feels like we should be trying now. We'd previously compromised by agreeing to wait until E is eighteen months, but now I've agreed to revisit the subject in January (no promises!). I'd rather not start before then. If I'm being really honest, though, a lot of my hesitation has to do with the fact that my best friends have been trying to get pregnant since this past January, and I really, really don't want to get pregnant with our second baby before their first is on the way. Oh, it would be awful. Not that anyone can control these things (Lord knows I know that) but I'd just like to wait as long as possible to give them a chance. TJ's point is that it might take us another two years (or who knows how long), and that we can't base this stuff on other people, as much as we want to. But what if it doesn't take that long? What if it happens easily this time?

Well, in any case, we're definitely not trying yet.

1 comment:

Amber said...

Yeah, I said something like that too around 8 months and then secretly, only admitting it to myself, began trying around ten months and got pregnant at 11 months post partum. And I think it's a great age difference. Good luck whatever you do! Hormones are crazy things. I had to make things permanent so they never tricked me into getting pregnant again.