Wow, I'm having a hard time getting anything done. I mean, anything but menial chores. Part of it probably has to do with being pregnant, but mostly I think it has to do with having a very active toddler. When I'm not interacting with him or out with him somewhere, I spend most of my time cleaning and picking up the house, washing clothes and dishes. Order is important to me, and yet I often feel like I have nothing to show for my efforts. I get to enjoy a tidy room or a clean kitchen for a fraction of a second before it's all undone and the cycle starts again. Over and over. I feel like a hamster in a wheel, running and running but not getting anywhere. I'm sure this is the lament of many a mom. You'll have to cut me some slack, because TJ was out of town all week and I'm pretty burned out.
I took E for his 18-month well check yesterday (a month late). He got the dreaded MMR shot, which I've been fearing and avoiding for a year. I would've waited until his two-year checkup, but that's right around when the baby is due, so I decided to go ahead and do it now. And you know what? It was no big deal. I mean, he cried (he got two shots), but he was fine shortly afterward, and he was his usual energetic, happy self the rest of the day. We went to play at the Central Market playscape afterward and he had a freaking blast. He has taken monster naps yesterday and today, and this morning he was very difficult to deal with, but that seems to be more from his bottom canines. So, whew, glad the MMR is over.
By the way, he weighed in at 27 pounds, 11 ounces (75th percentile) and he's 32.5 inches tall (60th percentile). His head circumference is in the 90th percentile.
One thing that jumped out at me from the info sheet they gave us about this age: Don't expect them to share yet. Case in point: E's friend Jonas came over yesterday afternoon and there were many tears shed over the miniature Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner we have. Learning to share is hard.
Last Saturday I drove up to Ft. Worth to help throw a bachelorette party for a high school friend. Several of the girls were staying out all night with the bride, but I rode up and back with a friend of mine who's also pregnant (just two weeks apart!) and mama to a toddler. Partying all night and being away from our families the whole weekend wasn't something we felt comfortable with, so we drove up that morning and then back after a late dinner. I got home at 3 a.m. Groan. TJ left that day (though not until the afternoon).
I have to say that the best part of the day on Saturday was talking to my friend in the car. We talked for a total of around seven hours at least. Non-stop. And I felt like we could've talked longer. It was such a treat. No interruptions, no one else to take care of, and endless subjects to talk about. I love this friend, and I wish we got to see each other more often.
Well, E's up now. More soon, hopefully.
Showing posts with label TJ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TJ. Show all posts
Friday, May 1, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Drowning in Oak Pollen
I have horrible allergies. Horrible. This is the third day of it.
Moving sluggishly. So congested. Uck.
We got a lot done today, though. Stuff like taxes and vacuuming and cooking and starting to clean out/organize the garage. And there was playing, lots of playing outside with a certain someone. He has allergies too, but there's no keeping him from going outside.
About the working-from-home/noise situation, I should clarify that it's not that E and I have to be quiet when we're here--we really don't--we just can't be crazy loud. It doesn't cramp our style most days, I wouldn't say. Just sometimes, usually near the end of the day, though having the sand and water table out back has helped with that. But I vacuum regularly while TJ works, and crank up the radio in the kitchen and so forth. I don't want to make it sound like we have to tiptoe around. As frustrating as it was, Friday's incident was the first of its kind, of that magnitude. We talked about it later, and TJ just doesn't think it's going to happen that often. Still, he'll need to find a place with wireless to work come next fall, if not sooner. And I have to ignore the shrieking (which I normally do) at all costs.
Okay, time to go. I'm trying not to get trapped online up here every night after E goes down. I have yet to be successful.
Moving sluggishly. So congested. Uck.
We got a lot done today, though. Stuff like taxes and vacuuming and cooking and starting to clean out/organize the garage. And there was playing, lots of playing outside with a certain someone. He has allergies too, but there's no keeping him from going outside.
About the working-from-home/noise situation, I should clarify that it's not that E and I have to be quiet when we're here--we really don't--we just can't be crazy loud. It doesn't cramp our style most days, I wouldn't say. Just sometimes, usually near the end of the day, though having the sand and water table out back has helped with that. But I vacuum regularly while TJ works, and crank up the radio in the kitchen and so forth. I don't want to make it sound like we have to tiptoe around. As frustrating as it was, Friday's incident was the first of its kind, of that magnitude. We talked about it later, and TJ just doesn't think it's going to happen that often. Still, he'll need to find a place with wireless to work come next fall, if not sooner. And I have to ignore the shrieking (which I normally do) at all costs.
Okay, time to go. I'm trying not to get trapped online up here every night after E goes down. I have yet to be successful.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Working from Home: The Noise Factor
Obviously there are huge, huge benefits to having TJ work at home: the overall pace of our lives (especially when compared to the hellish job he had before), the lack of commute, the help I get in the mornings, the ability for us both to be present for dinner prep/evening playtime. The fact that we're usually done eating dinner by 6:30. The bonus of having my lunch made for me whenever TJ has time. (We never eat lunch together, but he makes my lunch when he can.) And perhaps most importantly, there's the huge benefit of E getting to see TJ during the day, even if it's just to wave hi as we pass his office.
TJ doesn't have the type of working-from-home job where you make your own hours and work quietly behind a desk. His is a high-pressure, fast-paced job that's more suited to an office environment in many ways. His schedule is packed with phone meetings and conference calls with clients and colleagues and his partners. He never starts later than 8:00 in the morning, and doesn't take a real break until he stops for the day, which is at 5:00 on average (though he sometimes works at night). Not bad.
The issue that seems to be developing has to do with E's noise level, specifically the high-pitched shrieks he's been into lately. There's no way to stop him, nor should we, in my opinion, and the dynamic that's developing around his shrieks is problematic to say the least. For example: Today we'd been out all morning. Upstairs from 8:30 to 9:30, and then out of the house from 9:30 to 12:30. E needed to eat lunch as soon as we got home, and then we'd be going upstairs for naptime. He was in his highchair, waiting for me to quickly get his lunch together, when he started with the EARSPLITTING shrieks. I knew that TJ was just getting on a video conference call, so I was shushing E desperately (knowing that this only makes it worse, but feeling like I had to do something). I was begging him to be quiet, but the shrieks continued, not surprisingly. TJ came barging out of his office with his earpiece on and said, "You've got to do something. Just . . . do something." I said there was nothing I could do. He repeated that I had to, period. I repeated that there was literally nothing I could do, sorry. E had to eat. Back and forth we went, at a stalemate.
After lunch, to get E upstairs without a struggle or a peep, I was parceling out sour cream and onion chips (not worth explaining, but obviously they're not something I want him eating at all). Yep, I was buying his silence until we were safely upstairs.
Not good.
It's frustrating to me, and I know it's frustrating on TJ's end as well. But I don't know what else I can do. I'm already taking him out of the house every single morning of the week, then we're upstairs in the afternoons from 1:00 to 4:00 or so.
The last time TJ was out of town (which obviously sucked except in the way I'm about to mention), there were a couple of days where E and I had a dance fest in the kitchen over lunchtime. I cranked up the music and we were dancing and laughing and whirling around like lunatics. It felt so wonderful, and I remember wondering why we'd never done this before. And then I realized--it's because we always, always have to be quiet.
There are also times when I'm trying to prepare dinner when TJ's working late, and E's doing what toddlers do in that situation--pulling on my legs and moaning and crying and trying to get my attention. I can't let him do it for long since it's too loud, but if it were just the two of us at home, he would have to wait until I'd reached a stopping point. I worry about what this is teaching him. And what about when the new baby is born? Can you imagine?!
We definitely need to figure something out.
TJ doesn't have the type of working-from-home job where you make your own hours and work quietly behind a desk. His is a high-pressure, fast-paced job that's more suited to an office environment in many ways. His schedule is packed with phone meetings and conference calls with clients and colleagues and his partners. He never starts later than 8:00 in the morning, and doesn't take a real break until he stops for the day, which is at 5:00 on average (though he sometimes works at night). Not bad.
The issue that seems to be developing has to do with E's noise level, specifically the high-pitched shrieks he's been into lately. There's no way to stop him, nor should we, in my opinion, and the dynamic that's developing around his shrieks is problematic to say the least. For example: Today we'd been out all morning. Upstairs from 8:30 to 9:30, and then out of the house from 9:30 to 12:30. E needed to eat lunch as soon as we got home, and then we'd be going upstairs for naptime. He was in his highchair, waiting for me to quickly get his lunch together, when he started with the EARSPLITTING shrieks. I knew that TJ was just getting on a video conference call, so I was shushing E desperately (knowing that this only makes it worse, but feeling like I had to do something). I was begging him to be quiet, but the shrieks continued, not surprisingly. TJ came barging out of his office with his earpiece on and said, "You've got to do something. Just . . . do something." I said there was nothing I could do. He repeated that I had to, period. I repeated that there was literally nothing I could do, sorry. E had to eat. Back and forth we went, at a stalemate.
After lunch, to get E upstairs without a struggle or a peep, I was parceling out sour cream and onion chips (not worth explaining, but obviously they're not something I want him eating at all). Yep, I was buying his silence until we were safely upstairs.
Not good.
It's frustrating to me, and I know it's frustrating on TJ's end as well. But I don't know what else I can do. I'm already taking him out of the house every single morning of the week, then we're upstairs in the afternoons from 1:00 to 4:00 or so.
The last time TJ was out of town (which obviously sucked except in the way I'm about to mention), there were a couple of days where E and I had a dance fest in the kitchen over lunchtime. I cranked up the music and we were dancing and laughing and whirling around like lunatics. It felt so wonderful, and I remember wondering why we'd never done this before. And then I realized--it's because we always, always have to be quiet.
There are also times when I'm trying to prepare dinner when TJ's working late, and E's doing what toddlers do in that situation--pulling on my legs and moaning and crying and trying to get my attention. I can't let him do it for long since it's too loud, but if it were just the two of us at home, he would have to wait until I'd reached a stopping point. I worry about what this is teaching him. And what about when the new baby is born? Can you imagine?!
We definitely need to figure something out.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Another Day Down (and it included a three-hour naptime!)
After work today, TJ took E to play outside, then made him dinner and fed him (while I got takeout for us), and then insisted on bathing him AND putting him to bed, not to mention picking up the toys downstairs. I was so grateful, especially because today was extra rough in terms of queasiness. I wish I had food cravings that I could indulge, but literally everything repulses me and nothing is satisfying. It's strange to look at macaroni and cheese and want to barf. Time to go read Agatha Christie.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Catching up a little on a gray Saturday
We had a much busier week last week than usual, at least in the evenings. TJ's two work partners (and friends) were in town from DC, so we hung out with them Monday and Tuesday evenings (they came over here Monday and we went out Tuesday and then I brought E home to bed while TJ stayed out), and then on Wednesday night I had a sad, intense talk with my BFFs about baby stuff at their house. I've been thinking about little else. Thursday I worked my ass off getting ready for my mom's arrival. She's staying with us this weekend while attending a training (she's a play therapist and lives in Dallas). TJ left for the airport at 5 a.m. Friday morning, and my mom arrived here around 3:00 that afternoon, then left for a dinner and meeting. She did get some time with E before she left. She's away today from 8:00 until 5:00, so it's a strange, empty Saturday, but E and I will be picking up TJ from the airport at 5:30, so that's good. Hopefully we can all go to dinner.
This morning E and I went to the park and then to Target, where I picked up some stuff to make an oatmeal box for him. (I was bored and looking for something new to do.) Someone I went to college with who I recently found on Facebook has a blog with all kinds of cool ideas of stuff to do with your family/kids, and this was one of them. You take a big, shallow Rubbermaid container and you fill it with oatmeal and various cups and vessels and then let your kiddo(s) go to town. I'm wondering how much of the oatmeal will end up on the kitchen floor.
TJ's trip to San Francisco was a huge success, it sounds like. He's thinks they're getting the deal. He called me last night to tell me that he's a sexy bitch, which is what you say (in his little company of three) after you've landed a new client. It's not as obnoxious as it sounds; in fact, it's pretty hilarious.
My mom cannot believe how busy E is. It's true--he's a busy guy. This morning around 7:30 she said, "So will he go down for a nap around 9:00?" I said, oh no, he doesn't go down until 1:00, and she looked at me with this stunned expression and said, "I don't think I could make it. You must be so exhausted. None of my three were ever as active as this." I said that I'm used to it and that it's probably good that I don't know any different, and she said, "Oh, that's definitely a good thing!" It was funny, and it made me feel seen and appreciated for what I'm doing, as though I'm doing something remarkable, which is not how I feel usually at all. In regular jobs you get some form of feedback, but with this you just do your thing and you live in your head and you get used to it and you get used to no one really seeing what you do. After all, what you're doing is not unique or of any economic value in our culture.
So, it was nice. This is the first time she's stayed here since E was a week old, and that wasn't a good experience at all, at all, at all, so I'm glad things are going better this time.
Can I just make it clear, by the way, that I'm not complaining about taking care of E full-time? (Which is not to say that I wouldn't hire a fabulous part-time nanny if I had the money. I might.) But. I fully and completely realize what a gift my time with him is and I could not be more thankful for it.
This morning E and I went to the park and then to Target, where I picked up some stuff to make an oatmeal box for him. (I was bored and looking for something new to do.) Someone I went to college with who I recently found on Facebook has a blog with all kinds of cool ideas of stuff to do with your family/kids, and this was one of them. You take a big, shallow Rubbermaid container and you fill it with oatmeal and various cups and vessels and then let your kiddo(s) go to town. I'm wondering how much of the oatmeal will end up on the kitchen floor.
TJ's trip to San Francisco was a huge success, it sounds like. He's thinks they're getting the deal. He called me last night to tell me that he's a sexy bitch, which is what you say (in his little company of three) after you've landed a new client. It's not as obnoxious as it sounds; in fact, it's pretty hilarious.
My mom cannot believe how busy E is. It's true--he's a busy guy. This morning around 7:30 she said, "So will he go down for a nap around 9:00?" I said, oh no, he doesn't go down until 1:00, and she looked at me with this stunned expression and said, "I don't think I could make it. You must be so exhausted. None of my three were ever as active as this." I said that I'm used to it and that it's probably good that I don't know any different, and she said, "Oh, that's definitely a good thing!" It was funny, and it made me feel seen and appreciated for what I'm doing, as though I'm doing something remarkable, which is not how I feel usually at all. In regular jobs you get some form of feedback, but with this you just do your thing and you live in your head and you get used to it and you get used to no one really seeing what you do. After all, what you're doing is not unique or of any economic value in our culture.
So, it was nice. This is the first time she's stayed here since E was a week old, and that wasn't a good experience at all, at all, at all, so I'm glad things are going better this time.
Can I just make it clear, by the way, that I'm not complaining about taking care of E full-time? (Which is not to say that I wouldn't hire a fabulous part-time nanny if I had the money. I might.) But. I fully and completely realize what a gift my time with him is and I could not be more thankful for it.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Squeaky, Leaving, the Rebel
About to go to bed. We're leaving at 11:00 in the morning for the airport. But first we'll be calling a vet up the road (we never found a new vet when we bought this house), because we think Squeaky might have a kidney infection. Or something. We have found two blood stains--sprays of blood, really--that I realized today are from her. It's unclear where on her body the blood is coming from, but her mouth doesn't look bloody. Neither does her rear, but surely it's coming from there? My poor Squeak. Sweet girl. I always feel terrible leaving her anyway, and now it looks like we may be boarding her, which will be incredibly traumatic for her. (Just going to the vet will traumatize her in a huge way.)
I could go on about things, but it's late and I've got to sleep.
There are things we're looking forward to on this trip, like seeing Keltie and meeting our new nephew Owen (he's six months) and watching E play with his cousin Julia (Owen's big sister who's two), but I think at this point we're a bit freaked out about how E will react to having his schedule turned on its head, what he'll be like on the plane, what will happen if we encounter serious delays, how he'll do in the hotel room, and just the logistics of things like feeding him (dinnertime tomorrow will take place midair). These are our concerns, condensed. It will be stressful, in part because it's completely unpredictable, but I think it'll be okay once we're actually doing it. It will be an adventure, anyway!
Oh, I almost forgot: TJ and I exchanged gifts yesterday, and he totally shocked me by getting me the camera I've been dying to have but didn't think I'd get for years and years, if ever. It's the C.anon Rebel Xsi. I'd mentioned it in an email to him a year ago or so, and he found the email and went out and bought it. I could not believe it! It's not cheap, either. He's crazy. We don't get each other expensive gifts usually. Oh, but it's beautiful. We're taking it on the trip, so I'll post pictures when we get back. Hopefully I'll figure out how to work it between now and then.
Happy holidays . . .
I could go on about things, but it's late and I've got to sleep.
There are things we're looking forward to on this trip, like seeing Keltie and meeting our new nephew Owen (he's six months) and watching E play with his cousin Julia (Owen's big sister who's two), but I think at this point we're a bit freaked out about how E will react to having his schedule turned on its head, what he'll be like on the plane, what will happen if we encounter serious delays, how he'll do in the hotel room, and just the logistics of things like feeding him (dinnertime tomorrow will take place midair). These are our concerns, condensed. It will be stressful, in part because it's completely unpredictable, but I think it'll be okay once we're actually doing it. It will be an adventure, anyway!
Oh, I almost forgot: TJ and I exchanged gifts yesterday, and he totally shocked me by getting me the camera I've been dying to have but didn't think I'd get for years and years, if ever. It's the C.anon Rebel Xsi. I'd mentioned it in an email to him a year ago or so, and he found the email and went out and bought it. I could not believe it! It's not cheap, either. He's crazy. We don't get each other expensive gifts usually. Oh, but it's beautiful. We're taking it on the trip, so I'll post pictures when we get back. Hopefully I'll figure out how to work it between now and then.
Happy holidays . . .
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Poor Toothy Dada, Tired Grouchy Mama
TJ's doing really well. He hasn't had any paid medication since Thursday night, after he threw up (I gave him an anti-nausea pill after that). His stomach was funky last night as well, probably from the antibiotic. His mouth is achy and a bit swollen, but overall he's doing amazingly. He's actually worked quite a bit yesterday and today, which I found a bit irritating, to be honest. I mean, if you're well enough to work, you're well enough to help with the baby. Right? I've been on solo baby duty pretty much since he left for Fargo the Friday before last, and I'm not going to lie: I'm tired and a bit burned out. Today I was bothered by the fact that all the Eamon-related duties seem to fall to me by default lately. If I get a break, it's a black and white thing. For instance, TJ will watch him specifically so I can get dressed or check email. It feels very regimented and constrained. But if we're all together, I'm the one entertaining, supervising, feeding, changing, doing naptime, and so on, while TJ sits back and relaxes. On the one hand, I don't care. I'm used to it, and I love being with Eamon. But on the other hand, Mama could use some help, and she doesn't always want to have to ask.
But we had a talk about this stuff today, and it was good. I know I'm being a bit of a hardass. I mean, the guy just had four teeth yanked out of his head two days ago. And he's usually wonderfully involved in Eamon tasks. He gets up with him in the morning (after I nurse him) and feeds him breakfast and does kitchen stuff while I do my thing upstairs, and he bathes him at night and reads to him. And there's other stuff. It's just the past couple of weeks that I've been doing it ALL, and that brought us to today. I also know that part of my issue has to do with needing to be seen and appreciated (both when it comes to childcare and also when it comes to housekeeping, which I'm constantly doing).
Oh, did I mention that I have a touch of the ol' PMS? At least I think I do. Lovely.
But we had a talk about this stuff today, and it was good. I know I'm being a bit of a hardass. I mean, the guy just had four teeth yanked out of his head two days ago. And he's usually wonderfully involved in Eamon tasks. He gets up with him in the morning (after I nurse him) and feeds him breakfast and does kitchen stuff while I do my thing upstairs, and he bathes him at night and reads to him. And there's other stuff. It's just the past couple of weeks that I've been doing it ALL, and that brought us to today. I also know that part of my issue has to do with needing to be seen and appreciated (both when it comes to childcare and also when it comes to housekeeping, which I'm constantly doing).
Oh, did I mention that I have a touch of the ol' PMS? At least I think I do. Lovely.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
What a Day
I started this earlier today.
TJ had four teeth extracted this morning. He had bone grafts on three of the sockets, which I only mention because it sounds so hardcore to me. In any case, we'd both been dreading this day, and I'd been stressing out about the childcare aspect of it. I had a hard time finding a sitter, but everything worked out at the last minute. E had a great time with Kat, who he's met several times before. She takes care of another baby in our '07 group. She stayed after I brought TJ home so I could go fill his numerous prescriptions and get him medicated before the numbness wore off.
He's now in bed with an ice pack, and Eamon is starting to stir from his nap. I think I'll take him to a park this afternoon since he hasn't been out today yet.
I didn't get much sleep last night (maybe four hours), but I've been in a kind of manic overdrive all day, so it hasn't mattered. I plan to make some potato leek soup after E's in bed. Last night was very windy--a cold front moved in--and our bedroom wall was creaking this horrible creak that never fails to drive me insane. Sometime after midnight I moved into the guest room/my office and slept fitfully in there until E woke up . . . at 5:15. I let TJ sleep in until after 8:00 because he wasn't supposed to have any food or liquid before his appointment, and I figured sleeping in would make that easier. It made for a helluva long morning for me and E, though.
It's sad seeing TJ in the position of "patient." That's a category I've been in many times in our relationship, but the tables have rarely (never, in fact) been turned. I went back with him for the pre-op stuff this morning, and it was unsettling to see the big guy laying there with tubes coming out every which way and a mask on his face. Vulnerable. I'm glad we're all home now. E and I are going to pick up Luby's for dinner. It's close by, and they have lots of soft foods that TJ can eat. Hopefully the next forty-eight hours will go by quickly.
One thing I've discovered is that being the caretaker is much preferable to being the patient. That's obvious, but has never felt so obvious to me. It sucks being the one who is in pain, who has to rest, who's doped up and out of it, who can't eat certain things, etc., while those around you are chowing down on burritos or enjoying some wine or whatever.
And now it's the evening and time to make that soup. I can't wait for bed.
TJ had four teeth extracted this morning. He had bone grafts on three of the sockets, which I only mention because it sounds so hardcore to me. In any case, we'd both been dreading this day, and I'd been stressing out about the childcare aspect of it. I had a hard time finding a sitter, but everything worked out at the last minute. E had a great time with Kat, who he's met several times before. She takes care of another baby in our '07 group. She stayed after I brought TJ home so I could go fill his numerous prescriptions and get him medicated before the numbness wore off.
He's now in bed with an ice pack, and Eamon is starting to stir from his nap. I think I'll take him to a park this afternoon since he hasn't been out today yet.
I didn't get much sleep last night (maybe four hours), but I've been in a kind of manic overdrive all day, so it hasn't mattered. I plan to make some potato leek soup after E's in bed. Last night was very windy--a cold front moved in--and our bedroom wall was creaking this horrible creak that never fails to drive me insane. Sometime after midnight I moved into the guest room/my office and slept fitfully in there until E woke up . . . at 5:15. I let TJ sleep in until after 8:00 because he wasn't supposed to have any food or liquid before his appointment, and I figured sleeping in would make that easier. It made for a helluva long morning for me and E, though.
It's sad seeing TJ in the position of "patient." That's a category I've been in many times in our relationship, but the tables have rarely (never, in fact) been turned. I went back with him for the pre-op stuff this morning, and it was unsettling to see the big guy laying there with tubes coming out every which way and a mask on his face. Vulnerable. I'm glad we're all home now. E and I are going to pick up Luby's for dinner. It's close by, and they have lots of soft foods that TJ can eat. Hopefully the next forty-eight hours will go by quickly.
One thing I've discovered is that being the caretaker is much preferable to being the patient. That's obvious, but has never felt so obvious to me. It sucks being the one who is in pain, who has to rest, who's doped up and out of it, who can't eat certain things, etc., while those around you are chowing down on burritos or enjoying some wine or whatever.
And now it's the evening and time to make that soup. I can't wait for bed.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
First Sitter
We used our first paid babysitter this afternoon, and it went very well. She was here from 2:00 until 5:45. Eamon already knows her because she works in the nursery at the church. (I wonder if one day I can mention church in passing like this without cringing or feeling the need to justify. What can I say, I've been scarred by some crazy ass believers in the past who've made church seem like a bad word.) Anyway, we went to see the new James Bond movie this afternoon, and then to the RR Outlets where we bought E a heavy winter coat for Christmas in PA and a much less heavy coat for winter in TX, as well as a couple of long-sleeved shirts and some socks. We struck out in our search for shoes for him.
I'm relieved that today went well with the sitter, Sunny, because she's coming back next Saturday so that I can go to my mom's concert in San Marcos that afternoon. (TJ will be out of town.)
I still haven't found someone to watch E on December 4 when TJ is getting four teeth pulled. He'll be under general anesthesia for the first time in his life, and I'll need to be there with him in recovery before bringing him home and tending to him here for the rest of the day. I can leave Eamon for an hour or two at a friend's house that morning (with their toddler and nanny), but I know E won't do well there for long, and he'll need to come home for lunch and naptime anyway. In any case, I have a couple of other leads to follow up; hopefully one of them will work out. I'd ask my stepmom to take a day off of work, but she's already missed too many days. Incidentally, I'm completely freaked out about these extractions and concerned about how TJ will do with the anesthesia. It frightens me to think of the pain he'll be in. I hate this shit!
I realize I haven't been blogging much, by the way. There are some things I'd like to blog about, but I haven't for various reasons. Maybe after Thanksgiving, possibly before.
I'm relieved that today went well with the sitter, Sunny, because she's coming back next Saturday so that I can go to my mom's concert in San Marcos that afternoon. (TJ will be out of town.)
I still haven't found someone to watch E on December 4 when TJ is getting four teeth pulled. He'll be under general anesthesia for the first time in his life, and I'll need to be there with him in recovery before bringing him home and tending to him here for the rest of the day. I can leave Eamon for an hour or two at a friend's house that morning (with their toddler and nanny), but I know E won't do well there for long, and he'll need to come home for lunch and naptime anyway. In any case, I have a couple of other leads to follow up; hopefully one of them will work out. I'd ask my stepmom to take a day off of work, but she's already missed too many days. Incidentally, I'm completely freaked out about these extractions and concerned about how TJ will do with the anesthesia. It frightens me to think of the pain he'll be in. I hate this shit!
I realize I haven't been blogging much, by the way. There are some things I'd like to blog about, but I haven't for various reasons. Maybe after Thanksgiving, possibly before.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Happy Birthday to Dada
It's TJ's birthday today. He's an ancient 38.
We're all three wearing the shirts he got us at Skywalker Ranch (George Lucas's compound) when he was in CA. He had to go to the ranch for work (did I mention this already?) and apparently it's amazing. Anyway, yep, all wearing the shirts today. Luckily, they aren't the same shirt. But still. Dorks.
Yesterday as we pulled around the corner of our street to come home, E started shouting, "Da-da-da! Da-da! Da-da-da!" He definitely knows who Dada is.
We're all three wearing the shirts he got us at Skywalker Ranch (George Lucas's compound) when he was in CA. He had to go to the ranch for work (did I mention this already?) and apparently it's amazing. Anyway, yep, all wearing the shirts today. Luckily, they aren't the same shirt. But still. Dorks.
Yesterday as we pulled around the corner of our street to come home, E started shouting, "Da-da-da! Da-da! Da-da-da!" He definitely knows who Dada is.
Monday, November 10, 2008
This and That
We stayed at Catherine and Shannon's house for three nights last week, including election night. It sure was nice to have their company. Catherine cooked dinner for us all and Eamon got a chance to spend time with his beloved aunties and their dog, Gracie, who he's nuts for. E did wonderfully at night--he slept through and never woke before 6:00, even with the time change. I was in a funk for much of the week, but grateful to be spending time with my bffs.
Catherine took this picture of us at Zilker Park last Wednesday afternoon.
We picked TJ up at the airport Friday evening, oh happy day. What a relief to have him home. I finally slept well that night.
On Saturday evening I drove to San Antonio to have dinner with two of my college English professors, who were in town for a conference. They were the same as ever, brilliant and kind and unique and beautiful. I hadn't seen either of them in years, and I've been doing a lot of thinking since then.
Saturday afternoon TJ and E went to check the mail (we have a neighborhood bank of mailboxes around the corner), and TJ accidentally left his keys on top of the mailboxes. Some guy we've never met found them and apparently deduced which house was ours by the types of car keys on the key ring. At 6:30 on Sunday morning, he rang the doorbell (which we didn't hear) and then came into our house while we slept to return the keys. Um, creepy! He left them on the floor in an envelope with a very odd note. At my insistence, we have since had the locks changed and an alarm system installed. Better to be safe than sorry. And it will give me peace of mind when TJ's away, as he will be in two weeks.
On Sunday, Catherine and Shannon came over and babysat E while TJ and I had brunch at the Eastside Cafe (using a gift certificate they'd given us for E's birthday to celebrate our first year as parents--aren't they the best?).
What else . . .
We've had some difficulty with co-op the past couple of weeks, but hopefully things will be better from here on out.
Seems like I had a lot more to catch up on, but I think I'll leave it at this for now. This week has been busy, and my to-do list is seemingly neverending. That time of year, I think.
p.s. I'm completely, madly, desperately in love with my son right now. I don't know if I've mentioned on here that recently I was bemoaning the fact that he's not a cuddler, but in any case, he's been proving me wrong the past few weeks. Snuggly guy. Full of love. Can't get enough (me, that is). I remember wishing I could bottle him up at seven months, but this age kicks ass, even with the emerging tantrums and food throwing and infinitely soft, infinitely stinky poos. He's walking, he's starting to talk, he's discovering, he's expressing himself, he's responding to language, he's sleeping well. I can hardly believe this little guy is real.
I should also probably mention that the stuff with my family is resolved, or as resolved as it can be, and we're all moving forward as best we can. I think we'll be seeing my parents sometime soon. They are desperate to see E (they've yet to see him walk), and I want him to see his Grandma and Pops as well.
Catherine took this picture of us at Zilker Park last Wednesday afternoon.
We picked TJ up at the airport Friday evening, oh happy day. What a relief to have him home. I finally slept well that night.
On Saturday evening I drove to San Antonio to have dinner with two of my college English professors, who were in town for a conference. They were the same as ever, brilliant and kind and unique and beautiful. I hadn't seen either of them in years, and I've been doing a lot of thinking since then.
Saturday afternoon TJ and E went to check the mail (we have a neighborhood bank of mailboxes around the corner), and TJ accidentally left his keys on top of the mailboxes. Some guy we've never met found them and apparently deduced which house was ours by the types of car keys on the key ring. At 6:30 on Sunday morning, he rang the doorbell (which we didn't hear) and then came into our house while we slept to return the keys. Um, creepy! He left them on the floor in an envelope with a very odd note. At my insistence, we have since had the locks changed and an alarm system installed. Better to be safe than sorry. And it will give me peace of mind when TJ's away, as he will be in two weeks.
On Sunday, Catherine and Shannon came over and babysat E while TJ and I had brunch at the Eastside Cafe (using a gift certificate they'd given us for E's birthday to celebrate our first year as parents--aren't they the best?).
What else . . .
We've had some difficulty with co-op the past couple of weeks, but hopefully things will be better from here on out.
Seems like I had a lot more to catch up on, but I think I'll leave it at this for now. This week has been busy, and my to-do list is seemingly neverending. That time of year, I think.
p.s. I'm completely, madly, desperately in love with my son right now. I don't know if I've mentioned on here that recently I was bemoaning the fact that he's not a cuddler, but in any case, he's been proving me wrong the past few weeks. Snuggly guy. Full of love. Can't get enough (me, that is). I remember wishing I could bottle him up at seven months, but this age kicks ass, even with the emerging tantrums and food throwing and infinitely soft, infinitely stinky poos. He's walking, he's starting to talk, he's discovering, he's expressing himself, he's responding to language, he's sleeping well. I can hardly believe this little guy is real.
I should also probably mention that the stuff with my family is resolved, or as resolved as it can be, and we're all moving forward as best we can. I think we'll be seeing my parents sometime soon. They are desperate to see E (they've yet to see him walk), and I want him to see his Grandma and Pops as well.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Out of Sorts
Things started feeling weird around 3:30. For one thing, the time change suddenly became very noticeable. It felt more like 5:30. But it wasn't. Luckily, I had the Triangle outing in mind, and it turned out to be just the thing. I turned the fountain on (there weren't any other kids there) and E played in the water cautiously for the few minutes it was on, but he was really more interested in throwing his balls across the bricklaid ground and crawling after them. We also played in the grass and watched dogs for a while. He had a blast, and was on the move constantly the whole time we were there. I was gratified thinking of all the energy he was getting out. Here are a couple of pictures I took to send TJ. I also took a video that I find hilarious but that I think would be too boring to most people to post.
Now I'm sitting in what feels like a cavernously empty house and trying not to feel too strange. I usually love the rare night I get to myself at home, but tonight isn't one of those nights. TJ's presence makes this place feel so warm and full and balanced; without him there's a gaping hole. This isn't news to me, but I'm acutely aware of it tonight, I think partly because of the distance I feel from my family. And because we've been so content at home lately in our routines with E, and so delighted by him. Every night, without fail, we end up talking about how funny he is, how beautiful, how crazy--freaking crazy--we are about him. I always go in before bed and put a hand on him to feel him breathing, and when I come back to our room TJ asks me what position he was in, and I tell him, and then we talk about how insanely cute it is, whether he was on his back or his side or whatever. It's all insanely cute.
TJ might as well be on another planet right now from where I sit. He's in San Francisco with good friends who are also his business partners, and his brother is there, too, on business, and some other friends he used to work with in DC. He's staying in a nice hotel, is out to dinner tonight, and has plans every night. I can't really imagine, and it doesn't sound like we'll get to talk all that much. But I'm looking forward to spending time with Catherine and Shannon, and to other things like getting to the bottom of the laundry hamper and having it stay that way for longer than a day.
Now I'm sitting in what feels like a cavernously empty house and trying not to feel too strange. I usually love the rare night I get to myself at home, but tonight isn't one of those nights. TJ's presence makes this place feel so warm and full and balanced; without him there's a gaping hole. This isn't news to me, but I'm acutely aware of it tonight, I think partly because of the distance I feel from my family. And because we've been so content at home lately in our routines with E, and so delighted by him. Every night, without fail, we end up talking about how funny he is, how beautiful, how crazy--freaking crazy--we are about him. I always go in before bed and put a hand on him to feel him breathing, and when I come back to our room TJ asks me what position he was in, and I tell him, and then we talk about how insanely cute it is, whether he was on his back or his side or whatever. It's all insanely cute.
TJ might as well be on another planet right now from where I sit. He's in San Francisco with good friends who are also his business partners, and his brother is there, too, on business, and some other friends he used to work with in DC. He's staying in a nice hotel, is out to dinner tonight, and has plans every night. I can't really imagine, and it doesn't sound like we'll get to talk all that much. But I'm looking forward to spending time with Catherine and Shannon, and to other things like getting to the bottom of the laundry hamper and having it stay that way for longer than a day.
Not So Bad
Today has been better so far than I expected. I think it was good that we took TJ to the airport; I don't know why, but it feels a lot better than saying good-bye to him at home. This was the first time we've done that; it would've been a waste of money to pay for parking for six days, obviously.
We came home and had a snack and played and then went to church, where I had a hard time staying focused. I picked E up from the nursery before the service ended (since it was way past lunch and naptime on his clock) and we came home to eat. Now he's napping. He's been teething with a vengeance for the past day and a half, so I gave him some Tylenol before putting him down because he was chewing on his hands nonstop, drooling, and has a runny nose.
I have to admit I'm stressed about how the nights will go away from home (mainly because of the teething and our dependence on rocking and the fact that we don't nurse at night anymore, although I'm sure I'll end up doing exactly that). Last night he was up from 3:30 to 4:30. I rocked him twice and TJ once; in between there was hysterical crying. Anyway, I guess we'll see. The good thing is that after he finally stayed down he slept until 6:30 (7:30 according to the old time). Whew.
Last night we went to dinner at Mandola's at the Triangle, and saw the fountain they have there. It's way better than the one at the Domain, and I plan on taking E back to play in it later this afternoon. He desperately wanted to last night, but we just weren't equipped to deal with a soaking wet boy. I was happy to discover something new that we could come back to today.
You'd think TJ was going off to Iraq for a year from the way I've been dreading this trip. It's ridiculous, really. I tend to get anxious about things like this, sometimes more and sometimes less. Now that it's started, I feel almost relieved, and today has been nice in a way. I knew it would be a solitary day, and I guess my mood adapted. Eamon plays so well by himself now, and I've just been doing some housework and laundry and playing with him in between as usual.
It's becoming more and more clear that he's saying the word "ball." When he says it, it sounds more like "buh," but he says it when looking at his toy balls and when he's holding them (which is pretty much 24/7). He is a funny, funny guy.
I can't believe the election is only two days away. God! I think I'd be obsessing about it more if this weren't such an unusual week for us and I wasn't already so preoccupied. But it's incredibly exciting and incredibly nerve-wracking, and I just pray it's a landslide. It really does feel like Obama is our country's only hope, to the point that it might as well be written in the stars. If only that's true.
We came home and had a snack and played and then went to church, where I had a hard time staying focused. I picked E up from the nursery before the service ended (since it was way past lunch and naptime on his clock) and we came home to eat. Now he's napping. He's been teething with a vengeance for the past day and a half, so I gave him some Tylenol before putting him down because he was chewing on his hands nonstop, drooling, and has a runny nose.
I have to admit I'm stressed about how the nights will go away from home (mainly because of the teething and our dependence on rocking and the fact that we don't nurse at night anymore, although I'm sure I'll end up doing exactly that). Last night he was up from 3:30 to 4:30. I rocked him twice and TJ once; in between there was hysterical crying. Anyway, I guess we'll see. The good thing is that after he finally stayed down he slept until 6:30 (7:30 according to the old time). Whew.
Last night we went to dinner at Mandola's at the Triangle, and saw the fountain they have there. It's way better than the one at the Domain, and I plan on taking E back to play in it later this afternoon. He desperately wanted to last night, but we just weren't equipped to deal with a soaking wet boy. I was happy to discover something new that we could come back to today.
You'd think TJ was going off to Iraq for a year from the way I've been dreading this trip. It's ridiculous, really. I tend to get anxious about things like this, sometimes more and sometimes less. Now that it's started, I feel almost relieved, and today has been nice in a way. I knew it would be a solitary day, and I guess my mood adapted. Eamon plays so well by himself now, and I've just been doing some housework and laundry and playing with him in between as usual.
It's becoming more and more clear that he's saying the word "ball." When he says it, it sounds more like "buh," but he says it when looking at his toy balls and when he's holding them (which is pretty much 24/7). He is a funny, funny guy.
I can't believe the election is only two days away. God! I think I'd be obsessing about it more if this weren't such an unusual week for us and I wasn't already so preoccupied. But it's incredibly exciting and incredibly nerve-wracking, and I just pray it's a landslide. It really does feel like Obama is our country's only hope, to the point that it might as well be written in the stars. If only that's true.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Pffffft
I'm so depressed that TJ's going out of town. We're taking him to the airport at 8:30 tomorrow morning. The fact that it's a Sunday feels worse to me for some reason. We have plenty of things planned to keep us occupied over the next week while he's gone, but tomorrow will be a long day, and I know it's going to be an exhausting week. Oh well. Sorry for the pity party.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Some Stuff from Today
We baked a spinach and ricotta pie last night that '07 mama Beth recommended (it's from the Moosewood Cookbook). I fed it to E for lunch today and he LOVED it. I'm so pleased.
We went back to the Children's Research Lab at UT this morning to participate in another study. This one was about music and involved E sitting on my lap (theoretically) and watching a screen and listening to the same classical melody being played by different instruments. E had more important things to do, though. There was a room to explore and of course we'd arrived with balls in each hand, which needed to be dropped and rolled and recaptured over and over again. We gave it a go three times before giving up. I can't say I blame him--the music they were playing wasn't turned up very loudly, and it was boring, at least for a thirteen-month-old who's used to rocking out to Laurie Berkner and the Biscuit Brothers and Putumayo's African Dreamland cd.
On our way there, we got pulled over on the highway. I can't remember the last time I was pulled over. I was shocked to discover that our inspection on the VW had been due in May. May! How in the world we missed that, I have no idea. The police officer was nice, which is a rarity in my experience. In any case, after UT, we went and had the car inspected.
Later this afternoon we have our playdate with Kay and Jonas. We're at their house this week. I'm looking forward to it, especially because it's such a beautiful day. Hopefully we can spend some time outside. They have a lovely backyard.
TJ leaves on Sunday for six days, five nights--right when Daylight Saving Time hits, which means E will be waking up an hour earlier than usual. Brutal. I meant to start adjusting his schedule slowly, but that hasn't worked out very well. We're going to stay with Catherine and Shannon for three nights next week, so that'll be nice.
As for the situation with my family, I was able to get in to see my childhood therapist, Susan, last week. I saw her from age 9 to 18 and I adore her. It was such a relief to be able to talk to her, especially because she already knows my family background. She advised me on how to proceed and validated a lot of what I've been feeling. I wrote my parents a letter on Sunday night. I haven't heard back from them yet. My stomach is constantly in knots, but part of me does feel better having written them. I have no idea how they'll respond or what the future looks like for all of us. Susan suggested that I keep some distance for a while, and that's my inclination as well, but it makes me so sad at the same time.
We went back to the Children's Research Lab at UT this morning to participate in another study. This one was about music and involved E sitting on my lap (theoretically) and watching a screen and listening to the same classical melody being played by different instruments. E had more important things to do, though. There was a room to explore and of course we'd arrived with balls in each hand, which needed to be dropped and rolled and recaptured over and over again. We gave it a go three times before giving up. I can't say I blame him--the music they were playing wasn't turned up very loudly, and it was boring, at least for a thirteen-month-old who's used to rocking out to Laurie Berkner and the Biscuit Brothers and Putumayo's African Dreamland cd.
On our way there, we got pulled over on the highway. I can't remember the last time I was pulled over. I was shocked to discover that our inspection on the VW had been due in May. May! How in the world we missed that, I have no idea. The police officer was nice, which is a rarity in my experience. In any case, after UT, we went and had the car inspected.
Later this afternoon we have our playdate with Kay and Jonas. We're at their house this week. I'm looking forward to it, especially because it's such a beautiful day. Hopefully we can spend some time outside. They have a lovely backyard.
TJ leaves on Sunday for six days, five nights--right when Daylight Saving Time hits, which means E will be waking up an hour earlier than usual. Brutal. I meant to start adjusting his schedule slowly, but that hasn't worked out very well. We're going to stay with Catherine and Shannon for three nights next week, so that'll be nice.
As for the situation with my family, I was able to get in to see my childhood therapist, Susan, last week. I saw her from age 9 to 18 and I adore her. It was such a relief to be able to talk to her, especially because she already knows my family background. She advised me on how to proceed and validated a lot of what I've been feeling. I wrote my parents a letter on Sunday night. I haven't heard back from them yet. My stomach is constantly in knots, but part of me does feel better having written them. I have no idea how they'll respond or what the future looks like for all of us. Susan suggested that I keep some distance for a while, and that's my inclination as well, but it makes me so sad at the same time.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Stuffy Noses, Retiring to Vermont
Eamon and I have allergies. At least I think that's what it is. I was miserably congested last night, and E is sporting a snot nose. More crusty than runny. (Sorry. It sounded so gross, I couldn't resist.) TJ wasn't able to get on an earlier flight after all, so it was after midnight when he got home. I had gone to bed long before after eating ramen at 9:00 p.m. (I was compelled for some reason, gotta love that sodium) and watching Law & Order. For some reason, being all congested made me feel super cozy and autumnal last night, even though I felt crappy at the same time. I took an antihistamine before turning in and it made me deliciously drowsy and out of it.
I'm so happy TJ's home. Hearing him talk about Boston and how stunning and vibrant and alive it is right now had me ready to pack our bags and sell our house. He was stuck at JFK for five hours yesterday and we were fantasizing over the phone about retiring to Vermont . . .
I'm so happy TJ's home. Hearing him talk about Boston and how stunning and vibrant and alive it is right now had me ready to pack our bags and sell our house. He was stuck at JFK for five hours yesterday and we were fantasizing over the phone about retiring to Vermont . . .
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Home, Jealous, and Daydreaming
We're home after a two-hour drive from San Antonio this morning. (I ended up having to take a different route and it took longer.) E was up the whole time, not happy to be stuck in the car, and he was going through toys at the rate of about one per thirty seconds. (I had a bag of toys next to me and handed them back to him one after another, sang songs, rolled the windows up and down.) It was a long two hours. I was sooooooooooo happy to be home, and so was he. It felt wonderful to come inside and open the windows and be back in our space. He proceeded to play on his own for a good hour or so as I carried all our gear inside and put everything away, started laundry, etc. He's napping now. He has a little bit of a runny nose, and after lunch he broke out in an intense rash on his lower face, something that's never happened to him before. I'm not sure what it's from--food, I assume, but what? I think the runny nose is allergies, which I've realized is what's going on with me as well.
It sounds like TJ has been having the time of his life in New England. He says it's breathtakingly beautiful (they've been in Vermont and New Hampshire mostly), their meetings have been awesome, they've had great dinners in rustic VT homes, and last night they (TJ, his business partner and friend Alice, and two of their clients who sound more like friends) ended up at an open mic night, and he borrowed someone's guitar and played four of his own songs. He (and I, for that matter, but mostly he) used to play at open mic nights in DC, but he hasn't played at one in three or four years. He had a blast. This morning their meeting in Boston was canceled, so when I spoke to him briefly earlier, he and Alice were in Cambridge Square (I think?) looking for a coffee shop. It's been a long time since he visited Boston, and I know it brought back a lot of memories. (He lived there for three years after college.) In any case, he isn't scheduled to land in Austin until midnight, but he just called and said he'd gotten on an earlier flight to New York. So it's possible that he'll get home a couple hours earlier tonight (I hope!), but we'll just have to wait and see.
Is it awful that I'm jealous of all the fun he's been having? I mean, I'm glad he's gotten away a few times over the past six months and had a chance to cut loose and do his own thing, because I think that's important, but, well . . . actually, I think I'll stop here because I'm about to start whining and sounding like a two-year-old. It's just that his description of the last three days sounds like HEAVEN to me. I think I also envy his ability to live in the moment and leave Eamon behind without obsessing and feeling guilty and conflicted. He misses E like crazy, but not to the point that he can't enjoy a few days away from him, whereas in my case, as much as I'd love a weekend away (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE), I hate the thought of leaving Eamon overnight way, way more. It's kinda sick, I suppose. Or maybe not--he's only one, for God's sake. We're still nursing. But anyway, I actually have my sights pinned on my ten-year college reunion next May as a time that I can go off by myself and refuel. I never thought I'd go, and there are certain things about it that don't interest me at all, but I find myself thinking about it at least once a day. Weird. Maybe I should mention that I went to a small liberal arts women's college near the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia. It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen, and I was not at all ready to leave when I graduated. I was in love with the place more passionately than I've ever loved anything, I would say (baby and husband aside; it's a different kind of love). So, yeah, I'm looking forward to going back, taking long walks, remembering, reconnecting.
It sounds like TJ has been having the time of his life in New England. He says it's breathtakingly beautiful (they've been in Vermont and New Hampshire mostly), their meetings have been awesome, they've had great dinners in rustic VT homes, and last night they (TJ, his business partner and friend Alice, and two of their clients who sound more like friends) ended up at an open mic night, and he borrowed someone's guitar and played four of his own songs. He (and I, for that matter, but mostly he) used to play at open mic nights in DC, but he hasn't played at one in three or four years. He had a blast. This morning their meeting in Boston was canceled, so when I spoke to him briefly earlier, he and Alice were in Cambridge Square (I think?) looking for a coffee shop. It's been a long time since he visited Boston, and I know it brought back a lot of memories. (He lived there for three years after college.) In any case, he isn't scheduled to land in Austin until midnight, but he just called and said he'd gotten on an earlier flight to New York. So it's possible that he'll get home a couple hours earlier tonight (I hope!), but we'll just have to wait and see.
Is it awful that I'm jealous of all the fun he's been having? I mean, I'm glad he's gotten away a few times over the past six months and had a chance to cut loose and do his own thing, because I think that's important, but, well . . . actually, I think I'll stop here because I'm about to start whining and sounding like a two-year-old. It's just that his description of the last three days sounds like HEAVEN to me. I think I also envy his ability to live in the moment and leave Eamon behind without obsessing and feeling guilty and conflicted. He misses E like crazy, but not to the point that he can't enjoy a few days away from him, whereas in my case, as much as I'd love a weekend away (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE), I hate the thought of leaving Eamon overnight way, way more. It's kinda sick, I suppose. Or maybe not--he's only one, for God's sake. We're still nursing. But anyway, I actually have my sights pinned on my ten-year college reunion next May as a time that I can go off by myself and refuel. I never thought I'd go, and there are certain things about it that don't interest me at all, but I find myself thinking about it at least once a day. Weird. Maybe I should mention that I went to a small liberal arts women's college near the Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia. It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen, and I was not at all ready to leave when I graduated. I was in love with the place more passionately than I've ever loved anything, I would say (baby and husband aside; it's a different kind of love). So, yeah, I'm looking forward to going back, taking long walks, remembering, reconnecting.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Is it really that easy? (I doubt it, but wow.) And post-show mania.
A miracle happened last night. I put E down wide awake at 7:00 and then prepared myself for sleep training. I'd already eaten and showered, so that I wouldn't have to worry about doing that stuff during the intervals of hysterical crying. TJ had fed *and* bathed him, which I appreciated. So anyway, I put him down wide awake and we heard him playing. Then he did some crying around 7:30. I started to time the crying, but he kept starting and then stopping. Then we heard him quietly playing. Joel arrived at 7:30 and TJ left. (TJ was so excited about his big night out seeing The Hold Steady. He commented that Stubb's is fine for live music, but he misses going to clubs and seeing real rock shows. He was cracking me up.) E continued to make peaceful little noises. Then there was lots of quiet followed by a little playing and the sound of his aquarium toy (which he can turn on by himself). At some point I realized he had been quiet for a long time. By 8:30 I was positive he'd fallen asleep. Without a sound. My mind. Was blown.
He didn't wake up once until 3:00. Wow. I nursed him (maybe the last night, I don't know). He woke up again a bit later, but I didn't go to him, and he fell back asleep on his own without crying very much.
Surely he didn't learn how to fall asleep this fast? After one night of misery? Could he have? Time will tell, and it doesn't really matter. What matters is that this is proof that it's possible. And the peace of it--that's what felt so different. No struggle. Even if it was just a fluke, it's a major fluke. And it was a nice break. I had a wonderful evening by myself in a quiet house, and I finally feel caught up in general. In better spirits.
I woke up at 1:30 when TJ got home. He was in rare form--super chatty, off the wall goofy, and seemingly drunk. The show, he said, was fantastic. It kicked his ass. He told me all about it, and he covered a bunch of other subjects as well. He talked about what a "fat man" he is (he's really not), about how much he loves Eamon and can't wait to go to rock shows with him, about how hot our room is, and of course we ended up on the subject of stinky butts and poo (a variation on a conversation we have about twenty times a day; okay, "conversation" is stretching it). He also asked me what I would do if we were in a lifeboat and I had to throw either him or Eamon overboard. (What??) I said I would save the life of my child, of course. This was after he'd told me that Eamon is his favorite person in the whole world and I pretended to be hurt. In the end, I was trying to get him to stop talking and go to sleep, and he kept sneaking his hand over and pinching my face gently and saying, "Butthole."
p.s. By the way, I reserve the right to delete the last paragraph if it strikes me as too personal later. Or if TJ reads it and freaks out that I posted about it. But God, he was funny.
He didn't wake up once until 3:00. Wow. I nursed him (maybe the last night, I don't know). He woke up again a bit later, but I didn't go to him, and he fell back asleep on his own without crying very much.
Surely he didn't learn how to fall asleep this fast? After one night of misery? Could he have? Time will tell, and it doesn't really matter. What matters is that this is proof that it's possible. And the peace of it--that's what felt so different. No struggle. Even if it was just a fluke, it's a major fluke. And it was a nice break. I had a wonderful evening by myself in a quiet house, and I finally feel caught up in general. In better spirits.
I woke up at 1:30 when TJ got home. He was in rare form--super chatty, off the wall goofy, and seemingly drunk. The show, he said, was fantastic. It kicked his ass. He told me all about it, and he covered a bunch of other subjects as well. He talked about what a "fat man" he is (he's really not), about how much he loves Eamon and can't wait to go to rock shows with him, about how hot our room is, and of course we ended up on the subject of stinky butts and poo (a variation on a conversation we have about twenty times a day; okay, "conversation" is stretching it). He also asked me what I would do if we were in a lifeboat and I had to throw either him or Eamon overboard. (What??) I said I would save the life of my child, of course. This was after he'd told me that Eamon is his favorite person in the whole world and I pretended to be hurt. In the end, I was trying to get him to stop talking and go to sleep, and he kept sneaking his hand over and pinching my face gently and saying, "Butthole."
p.s. By the way, I reserve the right to delete the last paragraph if it strikes me as too personal later. Or if TJ reads it and freaks out that I posted about it. But God, he was funny.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
The Crappy Way Last Night Ended
Like anyone else, TJ and I don't have a perfect relationship. But it occurred to me recently that this blog probably gives the impression that we do. I guess I'm not comfortable airing our dirty laundry here. And there's really not much dirty laundry to air, especially since April (which was when he started working from home). We have a sweet setup these days, and we don't take it for granted.
But anyway, TJ was reading the blog a couple of weeks ago and he said he thinks I'm way too nice to him on here. So I was wondering if I should write about this thing that happened last night after I got home from the parenting class. I wasn't sure if he was in a talkative mood--he was working on a project for a friend--but he asked me to come into his office and tell him about the class, so I did. I had all these notes and was excited to tell him everything, just like he did last week when he got home from the other class. He didn't seem that receptive or interested, but I forged ahead for a bit. I was animated and in that sense vulnerable.
Then I got to this one point and was trying to explain it the best way I could and think back to the class for the right wording. I finished the example and he didn't say much of anything. At all. So I said, "Well, you clearly aren't in the mood to hear about this right now, so why don't I tell you about it later." I guess I was expecting him to respond with something like, "Do you mind? I really need to keep working on this." Or, "No! Tell me more!" But what he said was, "I could've done without the last quarter of what you just said. I get it, okay. I don't need so many details." His tone was so unkind. I felt like I'd been sucker punched. I felt demeaned. I felt hurt. I said, "Okay," and got up and left. I was going to just go upstairs and not say anything, but I realized that wouldn't be healthy, so I went back and said, "Just so you know, you really hurt my feelings." He was defensive and surprised. Surprised! What he'd said was obviously rude, and yet I was now having to justify my response and try to explain why I felt so hurt. It was awful. In the end he apologized and we hugged and he said he didn't want to speak to me that way and was sorry he'd done it. Then he went back to his office to work on the project and I didn't see him the rest of the night. I proceeded to get a little weepy and then did my own stuff and went to bed. Today, before he was leaving to go out for the evening (there's a conference in town that a bunch of his old DC co-workers are here for), he came up to me and gave me a huge hug and apologized again. It was very heartfelt, and I needed that.
So there you have it, a not-so-great story. I'll have to tell at least one more sometime where I'm the villain, and then I'll leave it at that, because I really don't like writing about this kind of thing on here.
Incidentally, the dynamic of our exchange last night (the very subject, in fact--my tendency to include every detail, his impatience with that) is something that comes up from time to time with us, and we obviously need to work on it.
Oh, and I only ended up telling him about half of what we covered in the class last night. I guess if he wants to hear the rest, he can ask. And that's not a test.
But anyway, TJ was reading the blog a couple of weeks ago and he said he thinks I'm way too nice to him on here. So I was wondering if I should write about this thing that happened last night after I got home from the parenting class. I wasn't sure if he was in a talkative mood--he was working on a project for a friend--but he asked me to come into his office and tell him about the class, so I did. I had all these notes and was excited to tell him everything, just like he did last week when he got home from the other class. He didn't seem that receptive or interested, but I forged ahead for a bit. I was animated and in that sense vulnerable.
Then I got to this one point and was trying to explain it the best way I could and think back to the class for the right wording. I finished the example and he didn't say much of anything. At all. So I said, "Well, you clearly aren't in the mood to hear about this right now, so why don't I tell you about it later." I guess I was expecting him to respond with something like, "Do you mind? I really need to keep working on this." Or, "No! Tell me more!" But what he said was, "I could've done without the last quarter of what you just said. I get it, okay. I don't need so many details." His tone was so unkind. I felt like I'd been sucker punched. I felt demeaned. I felt hurt. I said, "Okay," and got up and left. I was going to just go upstairs and not say anything, but I realized that wouldn't be healthy, so I went back and said, "Just so you know, you really hurt my feelings." He was defensive and surprised. Surprised! What he'd said was obviously rude, and yet I was now having to justify my response and try to explain why I felt so hurt. It was awful. In the end he apologized and we hugged and he said he didn't want to speak to me that way and was sorry he'd done it. Then he went back to his office to work on the project and I didn't see him the rest of the night. I proceeded to get a little weepy and then did my own stuff and went to bed. Today, before he was leaving to go out for the evening (there's a conference in town that a bunch of his old DC co-workers are here for), he came up to me and gave me a huge hug and apologized again. It was very heartfelt, and I needed that.
So there you have it, a not-so-great story. I'll have to tell at least one more sometime where I'm the villain, and then I'll leave it at that, because I really don't like writing about this kind of thing on here.
Incidentally, the dynamic of our exchange last night (the very subject, in fact--my tendency to include every detail, his impatience with that) is something that comes up from time to time with us, and we obviously need to work on it.
Oh, and I only ended up telling him about half of what we covered in the class last night. I guess if he wants to hear the rest, he can ask. And that's not a test.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Going Nowhere, Commence the Pickiness, Our Happy Cat
We did too much this weekend, and E was out of sorts at Nana's yesterday as a result. I was out of sorts too, by the end. Irritable and depressed (or something). I'm looking forward to getting caught up on some things this week, and getting E back into the routine of being home. He did nap for an hour at Nana's yesterday afternoon, so that was a major score. We have two lunch dates and a play date this week, and tomorrow is my birthday (it really snuck up on me this year). I also have a bunch of errands to run. (Blah, blah, blah, this is so boring; sorry.)
TJ weighed himself yesterday and was discouraged to find that instead of losing weight, he's gained a little. (I don't actually believe that; I tried to tell him that weight fluctuates within around five pounds, but he still feels crappy about it, understandably.) Even just a pound or two would be such great motivation. He doesn't understand why he hasn't lost anything after cutting out sugar, fries, chips, unhealthy snacks, desserts, anything other than salads when eating out, switching to only whole grains, etc. On the other hand, we've only been doing this a couple of weeks, and both weekends we've pretty much had no choice but to eat stuff we wouldn't have chosen ourselves. But still. Is it just too early to see results? People keep saying that guys lose weight quickly. Could it be his genes, in part? We're planning to meet with the nutritionist at the Y. One thing that we think needs to happen is a lot more exercise. Two times a week isn't going to get him anywhere. Maybe we'll have to go on a more austere diet. Last night we had tofu stir fry with brown rice, and then at 9 p.m. we each had a small bowl of fat-free yogurt and granola. Maybe we shouldn't have something like that at night. But we don't have it every night, and it's a far cry from the ice cream we used to eat--doesn't that count for something?
E, in the meantime, has essentially stopped eating breakfast. It's happened gradually, with this morning being the worst so far. I wonder if we're seeing the early stages of picky eating. This morning he puked up the few spoonfuls I'd gotten down him (peach, oatmeal, and banana from a jar); I then mixed plain jarred banana (we were out of homemade frozen) with oatmeal and apple juice, but he gagged on that and wouldn't take anymore. He wouldn't even drink water. Wondering if he really didn't want water or whether he was just being a stinker and refusing to drink out of his own cup, I filled my own glass with ice and water and offered it to him. He was all over it. Oh boy . . . we're in for it now!
As long as I'm giving various updates, I should mention that letting Squeaky out during the day has paid off big time. She's so happy! And she hasn't woken us up in the night to go out. We let her in and out a few times during the day. The majority of her days are spent outside, on the cement steps in the back. She sprawls languidly about (both inside and out) in a way we haven't seen in a long time, since her glory days in Hyde Park. Contentment physically displayed. And her appetite is back, which is great to see. We pick sticker burrs out of her fur at night on the couch as she purrs fiercely. It's good to have her back, and to not be locked in a power struggle with her all day.
TJ weighed himself yesterday and was discouraged to find that instead of losing weight, he's gained a little. (I don't actually believe that; I tried to tell him that weight fluctuates within around five pounds, but he still feels crappy about it, understandably.) Even just a pound or two would be such great motivation. He doesn't understand why he hasn't lost anything after cutting out sugar, fries, chips, unhealthy snacks, desserts, anything other than salads when eating out, switching to only whole grains, etc. On the other hand, we've only been doing this a couple of weeks, and both weekends we've pretty much had no choice but to eat stuff we wouldn't have chosen ourselves. But still. Is it just too early to see results? People keep saying that guys lose weight quickly. Could it be his genes, in part? We're planning to meet with the nutritionist at the Y. One thing that we think needs to happen is a lot more exercise. Two times a week isn't going to get him anywhere. Maybe we'll have to go on a more austere diet. Last night we had tofu stir fry with brown rice, and then at 9 p.m. we each had a small bowl of fat-free yogurt and granola. Maybe we shouldn't have something like that at night. But we don't have it every night, and it's a far cry from the ice cream we used to eat--doesn't that count for something?
E, in the meantime, has essentially stopped eating breakfast. It's happened gradually, with this morning being the worst so far. I wonder if we're seeing the early stages of picky eating. This morning he puked up the few spoonfuls I'd gotten down him (peach, oatmeal, and banana from a jar); I then mixed plain jarred banana (we were out of homemade frozen) with oatmeal and apple juice, but he gagged on that and wouldn't take anymore. He wouldn't even drink water. Wondering if he really didn't want water or whether he was just being a stinker and refusing to drink out of his own cup, I filled my own glass with ice and water and offered it to him. He was all over it. Oh boy . . . we're in for it now!
As long as I'm giving various updates, I should mention that letting Squeaky out during the day has paid off big time. She's so happy! And she hasn't woken us up in the night to go out. We let her in and out a few times during the day. The majority of her days are spent outside, on the cement steps in the back. She sprawls languidly about (both inside and out) in a way we haven't seen in a long time, since her glory days in Hyde Park. Contentment physically displayed. And her appetite is back, which is great to see. We pick sticker burrs out of her fur at night on the couch as she purrs fiercely. It's good to have her back, and to not be locked in a power struggle with her all day.
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