Tuesday, August 5, 2008


So, ever since E was born, we've had someone clean our house every two weeks, and it's been a lifesaver. A clean, tidy house is crucial to my mental health; it's just how I'm wired. Of course, part of me has felt embarrassed and guilty for being a stay at home mom AND having a housekeeper. The other part of me, however, thinks that reaction is ridiculous and boring and purely a result of being raised in a sexist society. It's good to feel thankful (and I do), but enough with the guilt. In any case, my point is that we did our budget last week, and we're going to have to nix the housekeeper. Since I already feel like I spend most of my time at home cleaning, picking things up, and doing laundry, and since TJ has never been one for housekeeping, I'm apprehensive as to how this is going to work. A friend of mine shared a breakdown of chores that she and her husband post on the fridge every month. Having it there acts as a reminder (to him, mostly) of all that needs to get done and keeps their house from getting out of control. It's never clean all at once, but it's always in good order.

I'm hoping we can do something like that. And I'll probably need to chill out and let things go more than I do now. (I've already come a long way in that regard since E was born, believe it or not.) I just have this intense fear of being overtaken by chaos. Somehow E's crawling (and the future it heralds) plays into this fear. I know that veteran moms of more than one child would probably tell me that it's futile to resist the chaos, and that the sooner I accept it, the better off I'll be, but, um, that advice freaks me out.

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