Musings

I've been thinking about how things supposedly get easier when your baby is [insert age here]. Six weeks, three months, a year, etc. And things DO get easier in a way, slowly, in the sense that they start sleeping for longer stretches and the smiles start pouring out of them, and they can do more (hold their heads up, sit up, reach for things), and you start getting used to the idea of being a parent and not getting sleep and thinking on your feet constantly and having very little time for yourself and on and on. Things change, and there's more fun to be had and more love than you can handle, but I'm not sure how much easier it gets. I can only speak from my own experience, of course.

It's just strange to remember doing things like nursing while watching TV. Compared to now, that sounds so relaxing. Luxurious, even. On the other hand, his naps were irregular and short then, and that sucked. And I don't miss the TV (which I never even turn on now). I must just miss the idea of sitting there and turning off my mind.

I guess the grass is always greener at times. I can't fathom what it would be like to work outside the home. Sometimes I romanticize it, even though I know there are pros and cons to both. I wonder what I would've done if staying at home with E had meant giving up a job I loved. I was reading another mama's blog who's going back to work after several months, and she mentioned feeling like she'll be getting her life back. Sometimes she wishes her job had already started. I can understand feeling that way. Obviously going to work isn't like going to a spa, but it is freedom in a way I never realized before having a baby. When I think of work, I tend to think back to the things I did during the work day that weren't necessarily related to work--lunch with co-workers (lunch by myself, for that matter), coffee breaks, running a quick errand, emailing, talking to people. The idea of having the time and space to do those things blows my mind. To be independent while still being a parent. Imagine that.

On the other hand, it would mean being away from E all day, and that's a sad, sad thought. I'm grateful I'm able to stay home with him. I'm sure if I was working (especially in a job I wasn't crazy about) I would give anything in the world to be able to take care of him all the time. It would probably seem downright idyllic.

p.s. I spoke too soon before--he did end up going down. I went in and got him and we played for a few minutes and then I nursed him and he fell asleep immediately. It doesn't solve the problem of him not being able to fall asleep otherwise, but whatever. Bless his heart. He sits up in his crib (this started early last week) and doesn't seem to know how to lay down, or that he should. He gets so upset.